Re: Birth by nentwined	18-Dec-02/10:15 AM
I agree that the haiku is somewhat eventful. Is there more of a moment you can capture? Perhaps stay with the moment right before and have only the anticipation of explosion? I like the haiku form though and I agree that it is not so easy.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Dec-02/10:27 AM
I really liked how you use the lines and line breaks: "The smell of the oranges that mingle with the roses" - the entire line kind of mingles together. Or ending line 4 with young emphasizes how very young the kitten is. I'm curious why you juxtaposed the different "ingredients" as you did. My feeling is that it would have been more powerful to mingle the taste of the wine, instead of what is a visual element of the sky, with the scent of oranges and roses. But like any recipe, I'm sure there is a basis for adding the ingredients in a certain order and you only find out the order is important when you try to change it. My only real qualm is with "Now then." I don't like it. It's not adding to the poem. If you want the short line for rhythm's sake (though I think it reads fine without it) can you find something short that's meaning will "fill" the line?
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	9-Mar-06/12:43 PM
Usually a haiku has a sort of pause or break after either the first or second line. This one doesn't, but in this case I think it works because of the continual movement of the waves. I'm not a fan of the last line though. The word "Salty" works against it (I don't think salty water as life-giving). It sounds a bit trite too, "to all"? really? With the right change in that last line, this could be a very good haiku, imho.
Re: the comet by pollywolly	9-Mar-06/12:52 PM
I liked the first stanza and not the second. The bit of repetition in the first worked for me as did the rhyming of eye and sky. The second verse seems a bit lazy to me compared to the imagery of the first.
Re: Spring Rolls by Ranger	9-Mar-06/1:00 PM
Clever. The word "pastry" ... just doesn't strike me as the right word, but I can't come up with something better, so maybe it is. "biting" cold... hmm not quite right with me either, but maybe that is just spring in Colorado. The spring roll metaphor works to evoke the variety of weather, color and life of spring.
Re: A Short Letter by Ranger	9-Mar-06/1:13 PM
I tripped over some extra syllables on some lines. Felt a bit awkward for a limerick. At first I thought, "Byron or Chaucer"? Why not choose authors who used the limerick? But then, the speaker isn't wishing he were a limerick writer - he's wishing he were more eloquent than the simple limerick.