| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Sep-06/3:49 AM |
grammar nazi says: "Whose will is this?"
straightforward image, clear to understand. good sentiment, well expressed if somewhat trite.
but oh the grammar...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Sep-06/3:15 PM |
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| Re: Coyote Sunsets by DamienDen |
8-Sep-06/3:21 PM |
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some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.
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| Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove |
8-Sep-06/3:40 PM |
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this reads like a novella. i greatly enjoyed the continuous stream of vitriol in the various pieces of the puzzle, but found myself wanting some sort of break to make the whole rant seem a bit less haphazard. also, i find the end a little disturbing. personally i could do without getting my shite blown up by usama's crew.
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| Re: Singing by ThereseWaneck |
9-Sep-06/2:46 AM |
i feel ya. sloshin' is a weak beginning though; reverse the order of lines 1 and 2.
last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
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| Re: An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove |
9-Sep-06/3:00 AM |
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grotesque. captivating. wan autumn's fart is superb. lines 3 and 4 don't add anything useful. middle 2 stanzas are pretty clever. very original stuff for the most part, but for me the gross-out factor ends up killing it at the end.
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