on Singing by ThereseWaneck
9 Sep 2006, 2:46 AM
i feel ya. sloshin' is a weak beginning though; reverse the order of lines 1 and 2.
last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
on some deleted poem
8 Sep 2006, 3:15 PM
wacky. i like it!
on Coyote Sunsets by DamienDen
8 Sep 2006, 3:21 PM
some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.
on Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove
8 Sep 2006, 3:40 PM
this reads like a novella. i greatly enjoyed the continuous stream of vitriol in the various pieces of the puzzle, but found myself wanting some sort of break to make the whole rant seem a bit less haphazard. also, i find the end a little disturbing. personally i could do without getting my shite blown up by usama's crew.
on An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove
9 Sep 2006, 3:00 AM
grotesque. captivating. wan autumn's fart is superb. lines 3 and 4 don't add anything useful. middle 2 stanzas are pretty clever. very original stuff for the most part, but for me the gross-out factor ends up killing it at the end.
straightforward image, clear to understand. good sentiment, well expressed if somewhat trite.
but oh the grammar...