| Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT |
5-Aug-04/8:45 PM |
I like the "something more" that I see in this poem. The contrast between the death of a bug "as just part of beautiful nature" and the death of our own species which is something much more ugly(to us). We are willing to squash a thousand bugs(or other organisms)for every person we help.
"I don't mind so much
when insects
explode"
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| Re: The World Through One Eye by timtonio |
6-Aug-04/1:04 PM |
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It was meant to be one "eye". The title represents what I am missing in this world because of loneliness and boredom.
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| Re: Missing Grand Miss. by timtonio |
6-Aug-04/1:06 PM |
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Yes, it was meant to be out of place. :)
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| Re: Missing Grand Miss. by timtonio |
6-Aug-04/1:09 PM |
In other words "I ain't never gonna leave..well at least till I up and die." was more of a dream. The 3rd stanza was meant to sound more mature, and well written as if written by a more educated person that moved away and found a life. I prefer not to spoil it too much feel free to read farther into it though :)
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| Re: A Beautiful Pain by timtonio |
6-Aug-04/1:11 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Aug-04/6:11 PM |
"The drugs you take spread through my veins.
But your betrayal kills my high."
Some nice lines
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| Re: DIDN'T I SAY by massangel62 |
6-Aug-04/6:33 PM |
"just open up your heart
open your eyes and you will see"
Because open was already used on that first line.. It may look better if you used another word for open..in the first sentence..like unlock? on the second line or used it in a series for instance
Open up your heart
Open up your eyes
Close down your ... etc...
also.. you don't need to write "I meant it, (and)seriously"
I meant it and seriously basically mean the same thing in this poem..
I don't know.. It was pretty straightforward. I'm sure this was the intention and it did well in that respect..However it lacks in creativity..
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| Re: DIDN'T I SAY by massangel62 |
6-Aug-04/6:36 PM |
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sorry that was somewhat confusing is there a way to edit comments?
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| Re: Certain circles by INTRANSIT |
7-Aug-04/1:18 PM |
Wow that last stanza is really cool. I like how you approached the whole mother earth thing with lines like "A mother whose gravity keeps all children near"
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| Re: Happy To Be Me by Princess_Snowflake |
13-Aug-04/5:36 PM |
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