regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	29-May-05/10:07 AM
You could make it look like George Bush, but I forsee an overpowering cartoonesque effect
Re: Gemini by angela5674	windyone 63.245.189.142	29-May-05/11:32 AM
nice...and it made sense
Re: Welcome To Croatia by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	29-May-05/11:37 AM
The political and ethnic situation is a highly complicated one, even for Europeans. I think you gave a quite truthful account. Or rather, not an account, but a convincing taste of the Central-European climate. The poem isn't boring at all.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.242.151	29-May-05/1:42 PM
It needs to jump up and say I am an oil pump. It lacks feeling. It is a nice mixing of the two forms of fuel.
Re: A soldiers life by closeup	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	29-May-05/6:29 PM
Remarkable. 'There goes my last limb, but ain't we got fun!' Long and short lines are balanced well. At the very end you soften up, a pity.
Re: Micheal by Dreammaker1024	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	30-May-05/7:49 AM
Another female puppy, lapping at her master... As an attempt to write a whole new sort of poetry, this fails, to say it polite. It's an excerpt from a schoolgirl's diary and nothing more. The only poetic detail I could find was 'kiss/bliss'. Sopping in your panties can be a state of bliss, yes, but it's hardly a poetic one.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	30-May-05/7:55 AM
Once more, interesting images, crudely executed. The full stops have all the subtility of sledgehammers. A great closing stanza.
Re: Nomad's Oasis by Caducus	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	30-May-05/8:17 AM
I like this and would have loved to see parts of it approached different: << where heaven is a mirage unreachable as a woman >> 'where heaven is a mirage as unreachable as a woman' the repeted 'as' is not elegant, but the sentence makes more sense this way. You could also opt for this: 'where heaven is like a woman, a mirage', The last stanza: In wandering through the afterlife she found him on the sands of New Mexico His tears had turned to jewels and jewels turned to tears when they made love on a grave in the shade of a headstone which read 'Eternal love for the dead'
Re: Distraction by zodiac	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	30-May-05/8:20 AM
Guffaw, guffaw. I like the form. I really do.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.242.151	30-May-05/8:33 AM
garbage
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.184	30-May-05/12:44 PM
Well said with few words and, besides. I'd rather drink 'corn likker' than oil any day of the weak.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	30-May-05/1:06 PM
A bitter indictment, but also a rather cold one... Hm, perhaps contained emotions are the right thing, here. The dustcovered nakedness element is a bit drawn out too much and the straight telling in some parts I would have avoided. What I mean is, that the dialogue is too direct. A God is not your regular nextdoor neighbor, and that's how you more or less treat him. I don't know. Not an easy poem to tackle for sure.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.184	30-May-05/1:14 PM
Final word on this jumble of words: Did anyone notice that the only gender-biased words in this poem were "Bloody Mary?" and that refers to a drink! The comment "The unfocused eyes say she is drunk" says that you, the reader, have created the image of a she in this poem. You toss the coin and get he or she and disregard the more edgy two males or two females or sheep. You are creating your own interesting images. My job is finished the moment you bring your prejudices to the table. Perhaps those of you who have visited LA have the perspective to view 'the love of two' as being open to gender interpretation and (for that matter) physically challenged interpretation. The unfocused eyes could be a blind person. It's like the word "Indian." Context might tell you that it is a person from Taos, New Mexico of Native-American ancestry or a person from the country of India or it might not. "I bought a bottle of Vodka from an Indian clerk at the Circle K in Taos on my way to a class on Hinduism." Quien Sabe?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.184	30-May-05/1:35 PM
Well, fuck me. I got it and like it the way it is but that's not poemranker style. I think you should change all the "I's" to "Ah's." This change would make it sound more American (from down South). "screams out loud Wished Ah'd stayed in England Ah hate me guts and he" a bit more Tennessee Williams, eh?
Re: I like to run by T.Becquerel II	Princess_Snowflake 4.158.12.210	30-May-05/3:56 PM
Makes me wanna laugh!
Re: Life and Love by windyone	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.227	30-May-05/4:20 PM
A brave turd, but ultimately doomed. Last words: "I'm going to make it!"
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	30-May-05/5:44 PM
The dust bowl of dead bodies reminds of the Scripture “From dust you came and to dust you will return.” So to carry the Christian theme a little further, you could say, “This world in a dust bowl of unborn.” And since dust accumulates into food and clothes, we become clothed and fed with unborn life. But all that is mere take-off on you poem, a practice I hate when done to me by someone who makes no comment on the poem itself. It’s a “Do Unto Others” thing. From your dusty beginning, you have a substantial diatribe against killing or in favor of killing. I think you mean it satirically against the Christian ethic of killing for “good” cause. The quotes around “I am doing my father's work!” should be single quotes, I think, with a closing “ after this line, and “lot’s” I would make “lots.” I like the biblical ring of it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	30-May-05/5:57 PM
Projecting adult thoughts back to the unborn baby is an interesting concept, in the way a flashback in a novel is. It depends on creating an interest in the reader prior to flashback. While you've done this to limited degree, the difficult language of the early poem did not set it up for me as I wished it had.
Re: Distraction by zodiac	Dovina 69.175.32.185	30-May-05/6:00 PM
That's the problem. I'm still in a world of my own. Even with this sharing of a jumble of thoughts and the difficulties of sorting it out for writing, no gap is bridged, and it's still a jumble.
Re: Life and Love by windyone	Dovina 69.175.32.185	30-May-05/6:04 PM
Seems unfinished. Not that you should just tell us the outcome or the backstory, but some clue please.