| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
Caducus 172.213.93.104 |
23-Aug-05/6:16 AM |
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Dont you just love that name? Hows the road truckmeister?
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| Re: Pity Her by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67 |
23-Aug-05/7:44 AM |
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If this is you, then back off from poetry for a while. If not, then crank out another one.
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| Re: Leaving the Woods House by zodiac |
Dovina 12.72.22.125 |
23-Aug-05/7:47 AM |
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I hate the restrictions of the sonnet form. But I guess if you give up the stricter Shakespearean ties, then its much easier.
I think "we" would be better in "You let it go" to keep it personal.
You could drop "ours" in "and then it wasn't ours"
What are tenterhooks?
The colons distract. Periods would be better.
I would make the sex more tender in keeping with the nostalgia of the occasion.
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| Re: Leaving the Woods House by zodiac |
Caducus 172.213.93.104 |
23-Aug-05/7:49 AM |
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I second what alchemy said and this is an awesome piece of writing - definitely in the top 10 I've read on here and elsewhere.
Last line should be tenderhooks
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 12.72.22.125 |
23-Aug-05/7:52 AM |
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Good take on the truck stop rest, especially "ice for
the mind or a blanket for the heart." But the 24HR Mobile repair bit seems extraneous.
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| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
Sasha 68.49.8.49 |
23-Aug-05/11:06 AM |
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Hurts my brain, but worth it
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| Re: i need a title by That One |
Katie 199.201.190.5 |
23-Aug-05/11:56 AM |
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Aren't Sonnets suppose to have 10 syllables in each line?!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Katie 199.201.190.5 |
23-Aug-05/11:59 AM |
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thank god someone wrote a Sonnet using proper form!
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| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
ALChemy 65.188.89.69 |
23-Aug-05/12:19 PM |
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Powerful stuff but "rubbing herself till I cried." was kinda creepy.
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| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
Dovina 12.72.24.164 |
23-Aug-05/12:22 PM |
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I like the somber rhythm. Wish you'd spell out linoleum.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 12.72.24.164 |
23-Aug-05/1:00 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ALChemy 65.188.89.69 |
23-Aug-05/1:10 PM |
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what are Sea flowers?
Maybe you mean Sea flewers.
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| Re: The Big Stupid Dink :) :) by Bethy |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
23-Aug-05/1:51 PM |
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mostly normal stuff. Stealing Dr. Hook is worth goin' after him for.
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| Re: The Big Stupid Dink :) :) by Bethy |
ALChemy 65.188.89.69 |
23-Aug-05/1:53 PM |
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Kind of an Erma Bombeck rant. Dink will get a laugh no matter where you use it.
Most men will turn Big Dink into a complement. It's just the way our egos work.
He didn't deserve a poem anyway.
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| Re: The Big Stupid Dink :) :) by Bethy |
Dovina 12.72.29.16 |
23-Aug-05/3:50 PM |
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When you say ":) :)" in the title, I wonder if it's tongue-in-cheek. As I read, I think not. Maybe :-(
And "Stupid" means something like "Arogant"
Shave your legs, girl, put on a dress, and have a drink. That's what I do.
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| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
patty t 70.30.211.173 |
23-Aug-05/4:50 PM |
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I want to go to Palermo and beat the crap out of somebody or give them all roses
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Bethy 24.222.32.220 |
23-Aug-05/5:38 PM |
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Hey I think I'll call Phil...lol...I need some repairs...:) Bethy
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Bethy 24.222.32.218 |
24-Aug-05/4:44 AM |
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Birth...this is fantastic...:) Bethy *9*
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| Re: Silence by crooked_smile |
Bethy 24.222.32.218 |
24-Aug-05/4:47 AM |
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Beautiful...*10* and a fav for me...:)Bethy
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Bethy 24.222.32.218 |
24-Aug-05/4:49 AM |
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I am thinking mermaid...nice...:)Bethy
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