Hello, and welcome to Poemranker. Now piss off:
THE unOFFICIAL POEMERANKER SURVIVAL GUIDE




So, you’ve run across Poemranker while surfing across this wondrous imaginary landscape that we call the internet. You’re probably thinking that you’ve found a place where you can post your poetry for the entire world to appreciate. You are wrong.

What you’ve found is a place to dump all of your mindless drivel and have countless people make fun of what an illiterate hack you are. That’s right. YOU are not an expert poet. If you were, you’d be publishing these poems, not posting them on a web site. Still with me? Good, because what you have also found is the only place on the internet that can actually help you get better at writing. That is, if you let it. I have created this guide to help you get the most from your Poemranker experience. It worked for me (Seriously, read my poems). I’ve gone from Crap to Ass in just under two years. Another couple of years on The Ranker, and I might be Dick. By the way, if that last sentence offended you, then you should leave now.

Let’s get started.

1. First, check your ego at the door. People are going to critique your poems. That’s why you’re here. If you want to have people gush over you, then I suggest you go to Poetry.com (I guarantee that they will publish you, no matter how good you are). Poemranker is a place where you can learn what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong. If people are “mean” to you, then that’s just their way and you either need to accept it or leave, because it’s going to happen. If everyone is giving you low votes, it probably means that it’s not very good and you need to work on it. You think they’re wrong. Good for you! You’re wrong. The poem needs work. I’ll say it again to make sure you got it: IF YOU DON”T WANT PEOPLE TO CRITIQUE YOUR WRITING, DON’T POST IT.

2. Vote. This is PoemRANKER.com, not poemreaditandmoveon.com. If you read a poem, take that extra two seconds and give it a vote (If you don’t know how to vote, then you’re retarded and don’t need to be reading poetry). If you look at the majority of poems on this site, you’ll see that many have 100 views and 4 votes. This should not be. If you want people to take the time to read your poem and vote on it, don’t you think that you owe them the same courtesy? Every time you post a poem, you should read and vote on (at least) every poem on the “20 Most Recent Poems” page. And don’t just give them all 10’s or 0’s. That’s just crap. Worried that people will get mad at you if you give their poem a 3? Who cares? What are they gonna do…come kick your ass?

3. Actually try to get better. What’s the point of writing if you’re not going to try to get better? Read other poetry…both here and that of actual real, live (or dead) poets. What’s that? You’re writing because it helps you cope? Fine and dandy. Understand this, though: Nobody wants to read that. Don’t post it if that’s all you’re in for. No one wants to read about how your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you. However, they might like what you write if you write in an interesting way. You’ve probably heard this: “Show, don’t tell” (That’s true). You’ve also probably heard this: “It’s good if it comes from the heart” (That is a lie). Make you’re poem interesting and someone might actually like it.

That’s about it. The Poemeranker isn’t that complicated. Actually, there’s probably more, but I’m too tired and growing bored with this. Rankers that have been here a while, please feel free to post addendums to this (I know you will).

Nope, that about covers it. Except if you've read this far, you're already a ream look at a fast pull and don't need it. What, you didn't read this far? Enjoy your life, homo.

At one time kaolin was receptive to my writing a user's manual. It would cover basics that confuse a lot of new users - like the little red x. But it would also deal with issues you raise. I gave up on it because of opposition. Some users like having the newbies uninformed and easy pray. Anyway, go for it; I'd like to see a bold HELP tab with meaningful help.

None of it matters anyway. Sooner or later the teeners are gonna take over, they always do at these sites and no amount of nasty commenting is going to stop them. Don't get me wrong it'll slow'em down a little like using shotguns on zombies.

4. Poemranker is not a 'game' to 'win'. Or if it is, it's an absurdly easy one. All you have to do is multiple-vote yourself a million times, then get bored and leave because you can't think what other purpose this site could possibly serve. It's not exactly Game Genie here, pinkbunnyofdoom.

Spot on. I'm still wondering how long it'll take many users here (some who post poems regularly) to figure out that they need to give feedback if they want to get any in return. It's got to the point now where I know who will give me comments, and so me commenting on anyone else's poems is almost redundant. Yet I still do in the (probably naive) hope that the non-commenters will work this out.

Also, we ought to have a generic Pimple critique on here to copy and paste so that we don't have to spend hours writing a full-length critique which will most likely be ignored. I've done this several times, and I've seen you write them too. Every one has said essentially the same thing. I didn't go back to see which have been acted on. I didn't want to be disappointed.