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want it (Ode) by sontei i want you in the bushes
i want you in the grass
i want you in the brambles
that really cut my arse
i want you with your clothes on
i want you in the nude
i want you wearing leather
and talking really rude
i want you in a limo
i want you on a bus
i want you in a taxi
if one turns up for us
i want you as my lover
i want you as my wife
i want you in my bedroom
for every day of my life
Up the ladder:
Another Lover
Down the ladder:
Please President Bush, Save Me From My Adolescence
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.875
Posted: August 18, 2002 3:37 PM PDT; Last modified: August 18, 2002 3:37 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.235324 Overall Rank: 4185 Comments:
[7]
nentwined @ 192.168.0.69
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11-Sep-02/1:05 PM
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Reply
"for every day of my life" doesn't scan right. and what's up with rhyming "arse" with "ass"?
[n/a]
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159
> nentwined
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11-Sep-02/6:43 PM
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"Arse" rhymes with "grass" in sunny England. AAAAHsssssssssss. GRAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssss
For some reason I find this both funny and sweet.
Expand upon the second stanza. I am intrigued as to how the suggestion of nudity pans out!
nudity=sin
The last line has seven beats. Should be six. Spoils it. What about - To fuck you all my life ? Love may be more delicate. Choice depends on the sensibilities of the recipient. I really like this poem but I want to tinker with other bits too. For instance delete "with your clothes" on (it is too weak) Substitute "with suspenders" or "in bikinis".
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