| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
My reflection (Free verse) by singinkygal Staring in the water at my reflection below
watching it being shatttered by the stones
I throw
Realizing this is what happens when the people I know
Shatter my image with the stones they throw
How do they see me past the reflection of their own
In their glass houses that they call home
Up the ladder:
Just Passing Through
Down the ladder:
Love, Fair
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: March 22, 2004 1:42 PM PST; Last modified: March 22, 2004 1:42 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7563 Comments:
[6]
deleted user @ 68.169.177.107
|
22-Mar-04/1:46 PM
|
Reply
A good image in the first half, but the logic breaks down somewhere in the glass house.
good concept, but barely poetry. Too many unneeded words
I'm going to echo caffrey - but elaborate by saying the âtoo manyâ words are precisely the ones you've put in to sound like âpoetryâ.
Here's a test - take out the rhyming words - does the meaning change? If it doesn't - why have them? You word choices should add value. You've got shattered twice, btw - and five "t"'s between them. And my pet peeve, extraneous prepositional phrases. Try not to trade meaning for rhyme â what you are trying to convey (the idea of which I like, btw) is complicated enough as it is â focus on that. Maybe, as an exercise, make the same poem without rhyming? 140 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
