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My Hidden Love for You (Free verse) by Kriss When you are not there,
you are hard to see.
Absent from my life,
but still in time
somewhere to be found.
Your absence from my life
may last a minute or an eternity,
but always will you be there.
The unspoken words are hard to hear,
but deep down inside my heart longs for you.
My feelings are strong but subtle.
Compare it to the words that are hidden in the wind,
my love for you may be hard to find but forever more,
I know it is there.
Someday in this life time, we shall meet
and stumble upon the greatest feelings,
of sincere long lost love.
For in the future we both exist
standing next to one another.
Up the ladder:
Lonely
Down the ladder:
Hamptons
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: August 12, 2002 7:34 AM PDT; Last modified: August 12, 2002 7:34 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9309 Comments:
[0]
poetandknowit @ 65.101.213.100
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12-Aug-02/9:36 AM
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Reply
i swear i just read this. why don't you just tack it on to the other poem and make it one long turd of a journal entry.
kriss, check out other poets when they speak of love: Emily Dickenson, Walt Whitman, Rumi, Carl Sandberg: http://www.lovepoetry.com/poems/classic1
and then, judge for yourself. imitation is a superb learning tool.
i'm glad your teachers like your work, but being 'appropriate' is not necessarily something you want to strive for: "be a good little girl and write 'appropriate' poetry." why not stretch the limits? why not make people think, instead of placating them? since you asked--well, as far as poetry goes, this can be classified as 'free verse', and that's a loose way of saying that it expresses an idea in other-than-prose. other than that, it employs no other poetic devices: similie, metaphor, allusion, alliteration, rhyme, meter, etc. and, generally, we like to learn something new when we read a poem. that's the beauty of it: a condensed idea that expands in your thoughts the more you turn it over. you've not given us anything here; you've not compared this love to anything else to give us a twist on it; you've not described it in any way that is remarkable. you have these feelings for this person; distill them, refine your description of them. think of a poem as a lump of coal that becomes a diamond--you start out with a LOT of coal, and time and pressure condense it down to one little tiny spot of brilliance that blinds you so that you want to see it again and again. it's a lot of time and effort, and often a long wait before anything of value is produced. but, people seem to think that diamonds are of value. so, i suggest that you take this vein of coal and mine it deeply. you have the feelings; oerhaps you do not have the depth of experience that older people have, but that does not invalidate what you do have. learn from your experiences. find the heart of the matter. make that the poem. there is so much fluff out there. make your words worth reading. does that make sense?
Thank you so much everything you said made so much sense. I hope to work on some poems in the future and I would love for you to read them. You really seem to know what you are talking about. By the way may I ask of your age? You seem a whole lot wiser then I, this is why I ask. Thanks
haha. me? wise. nope. but i'm glad my comments helped you.
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