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A Dream Awakened (Other) by impaired
I sit and think of what could have been... Warm, Sunny days at the beach, holding hands with my best friend I'd splash you with sea water, you would say "Quit" I'd laugh and splash again, you would be angry and start to hit We'd play for hours, and be soaked and cold before we were done Afterward we would embrace, as we warmed in the sun When our bodies were warm and dry and the passion had grown I would lift you in my arms, and walk the shoreline as we watched the sun glow As it became dark and the new moon was high we would retire to a fire; I would give you a rose, from you a sigh Staring into the flames you pulling yourself near Your innermost thoughts you would whisper in my ear you make my life complete, to you I would say Your face would light up, don't ever leave, this I pray We would stroll through the woods, in at awe at the colors Red, yellow, orange and brown, among others In an instant a doe and her fawn would appear I would take your hand in mine and again pull you near An embrace as we watch the pair disappear So much delight from just two deer Stumbling upon a baby bird that had fallen from its home You rush to it's aid as if it were your own You weep for my help, I can't reach its nest You stretch yourself upward, with a lift, lay it to rest Its mother is crying above us in flight We walk away slowly and watch them reunite A happy song sounds as we stroll away They'll be together day after day We walk for hours, of the future making plans We walk to the horizon, you and I, hand in hand When all of a sudden I awake with a roar Me holding my pillow, you with me no more I pinch myself and let out a sigh I think of you, and begin to cry For at this time it comes to mind You're nothing but a dream I'll never find Just a dream awakened

Down the ladder: Self

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6832
Posted: August 9, 2002 5:13 PM PDT; Last modified: September 11, 2002 3:30 PM PDT
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Comments:
[3] ==Doylum @ 213.123.40.94 | 9-Aug-02/5:53 PM | Reply
This has merit, much as yesterdays newspaper. (when one has run out of course!)
[2] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 9-Aug-02/8:22 PM | Reply
Way.Say.Otay.May.Filet.Ray.Bay.LayFray.Pray.Gay.Gay.Gay.Aye.Way.Saucy.Bossy.Back to Gay.Gay.Gay with Ray we play Gay in May. Okay? Okay!
[7] Amelia @ 198.146.141.194 | 11-Sep-02/2:04 PM | Reply
I think in line 15, it should be"....in awe at the colors" not 'at'. The poem sounds Minstrel-like to me. I think the last line can be done without. Nice sensitivity. LOL at your comment Bacchus.
[n/a] impaired @ 198.81.16.174 > Amelia | 11-Sep-02/3:36 PM | Reply
Thanks for the positive input. You're right...I changed line 15. The reason I believe I need the last line in the poem is because one often feels they have found that "dream" person, only to find out later they are not who you thought they were. I'm trying to draw this picture of someone actually opening their eyes and realizing this, while they have it. Make any sense at all?
[10] Katie @ 169.139.16.2 | 12-Sep-02/5:21 AM | Reply
Beautiful!! I love it! One of the nicer ones i've read. 9/10
[7] Frass @ 138.88.17.81 | 12-Sep-02/7:36 PM | Reply
Impaired, if couples could have relationships like this, there'd be no divorce.
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