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Thunderbird and Maledict (Free verse) by Don-Quixote On dayspring
my roots did not
clutch life.
It was then
that I sprouted
into desolation
and compost.
I was a tiny fetus,
dejected
and algophobic.
A mothers gift to her son.
Light did not compel me
to sprout when I was
expelled from her womb:
a thunderbird
turned inward
and huddled
within an iron shell,
peeking
through my spyhole,
profoundly vigil.
On dayspring my spirit
was birthed a stillborn.
Up the ladder:
Something on my Shoe
Down the ladder:
tragedy
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Posted: September 19, 2003 4:24 PM PDT; Last modified: September 19, 2003 4:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.970199 Overall Rank: 8420 Comments:
[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [X_] About suicide or self-mutilation [X_] Arbitrary indentation [X_] Arbitrary line breaks [X_] Autobiographical but in the third person [X_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [X_] Devoid of rhyme [X_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [X_] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [X_] Sanctimoniously moral [X_] Sentimental [X_] Self-pity [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment SPA 224 view(s)
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[_] About romantic love
[_] About poetry-writing
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[X] Arbitrary indentation
[X] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Clerical errors
[X] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[X] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[X] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc)
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[_] Sanctimoniously moral
[_] Sentimental
[X] Self-pity
[X] Thesaurophilia
[_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons
[_] Vicarious wish fulfilment