Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 10:51:13 PST 2024

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Thunderbird and Maledict (Free verse) by Don-Quixote

On dayspring my roots did not clutch life. It was then that I sprouted into desolation and compost. I was a tiny fetus, dejected and algophobic. A mothers gift to her son. Light did not compel me to sprout when I was expelled from her womb: a thunderbird turned inward and huddled within an iron shell, peeking through my spyhole, profoundly vigil. On dayspring my spirit was birthed a stillborn.

Shardik

19-Sep-03/5:04 PM

[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love
[_] About poetry-writing
[X_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[X_] Arbitrary indentation
[X_] Arbitrary line breaks
[X_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X_] Clerical errors
[_] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[X_] Devoid of rhyme
[X_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[X_] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[_] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc)
[X] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[X_] Sanctimoniously moral
[X_] Sentimental
[X_] Self-pity
[_] Thesaurophilia
[_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons
[_] Vicarious wish fulfilment SPA

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