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Emotion Expression (Free verse) by Hostileintent
I am man of too many words, I blurt it all out, sometimes it slurs, It’s got me in trouble; it has been a spur, To prick the sides of a woman’s anger. In spite of what I many say, to this woman, this dove, The truth is my dear; it has always been love, I know it’s been hard; it has also been tough, I’m so sorry if I acted, like a brute or a rough. For quite a while, I have felt very weird, Whenever this beauty was anywhere near, For manys the time, my emotion was feared, For my emotion always ends in hollowed tears. But no matter how hard I fought, it ended up done, And she was the person, who had finally won, And it didn’t matter at all, if I was to run, All because with this lady, I had fallen in love. Babe I wanted to say it, but I was afraid, Because for emotion expression, I was not made, I know I have been blunt, through you I did wade, But I wanted to hide it, the emotion, afraid. That’s no excuse, no reason at all, But babe, for me, emotion always brings a fall, Then I met you, and you changed it all, Time, time, time, it was like a wall. What I am trying to say to you, in my primitive way, Is that babe you changed it, my outlook on life, I couldn’t deal with it, like a man, So at times I was a jerk, an insensitive, ignorant jerk. The feelings I have for you babe, fill me inside, I tried to cover them, for I thought I had pride, The truth is that expression, is harder than to hide, Don’t hate me babe, I always meant well, Don’t hate me babe, not you as well

Up the ladder: Hunting God
Down the ladder: The Hold Up

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.333333
Weighted score: 6.6666665
Overall Rank: 542
Posted: September 19, 2003 7:17 AM PDT; Last modified: September 19, 2003 7:17 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.171.44 | 19-Sep-03/7:41 AM | Reply
open up.. or shrivel inwards, become dry and cracked: a mummy waiting to turn to dust.

my mother had the same kind of problem.. unable to express emotion.

The woman never looked happy (unless it was a dinner party, she was an A+ actor.. not many had a fucking clue)

blessed with eight.
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.222.81.233 | 19-Sep-03/1:41 PM | Reply
Too much rhyming; it sets bells and gongs off in my head!
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 19-Sep-03/3:29 PM | Reply
[X] AABBCC rhyming scheme
[X] About romantic love
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[_] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Clerical errors
[X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc.
[X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[_] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[X] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[X] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[_] Sanctimoniously moral
[X] Sappy
[X] Self-pity
[_] Suicide-related
[_] Wish fulfilment

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