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Me, Myself and I (Free verse) by gracefulangelofsin
I feel such violence that I’ve never felt before. Against people whom have done wrong to me, And those who broke my heart. I feel such desire now, that I’ve never experienced before. Wanting of people who I cannot have, Thrills that shouldn’t be had, but wanted. I feel such pain, pain that I never thought possible. The pain for the wrong I’ve done, For cheating myself out of what I could have had. I feel such emotion, I cry a lot now. Because of the words I have held back, The unspoken words that could have changed everything. All I want is what I can’t have, And what I can’t have I dream about. It’s so wrong, I know, which makes me what it even more. Using people I love, that I don’t even know if I do. I can’t figure it out, the pain inside me, screams. But I can’t talk to anyone, because then everyone would know. Everyone would know my faults, my dreams, things that shouldn’t be known. If I let them out, so many people would be crushed. So I hold them all in, hoping one day… They will all go away.

Up the ladder: Leaving me Lost
Down the ladder:

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 0.6666667
Weighted score: 4.483454
Overall Rank: 12843
Posted: June 17, 2003 4:55 PM PDT; Last modified: June 17, 2003 4:55 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.101 | 17-Jun-03/6:12 PM | Reply
ace line breaks.
[2] god'swife @ 198.81.26.113 | 17-Jun-03/6:14 PM | Reply
very prosy and far too generic. Be specific and for god's sake give yourself some kind of form to work with. This is screaming for constraints and direction. did you read this after you posted? After the tenth line the grammar is awful.

I feel... that's the same as a painter writing the word green across a canvas. The poet's job is to make the reader feel. Not to say I feel, I feel. Describe the violence. "People" which people. Either tell me or forget about it. This pussy-footing around is useless.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 17-Jun-03/6:18 PM | Reply
Yes, I agree. The line breaks are randomly skeptical. Good call!
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 17-Jun-03/7:40 PM | Reply
I predict you picked your user name in a moment of post traumatic stress and a vengeful ferver, and you will regret it sooner then later. I mean for the love of Christ? Are you just fucking high?
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