Mistake or Misfortune

Lifeless meaningless without structure I don't know when I'll rupture Leaving without suspense Seeing your face, Brings out to much tense Inside me I start to break apart How much longer must I act as if? I am just disintegrate Even though I am, I just long to seek For a different side of me that's leaked Becoming apart have I come undone? Or is it this opposite? Have I just begun?