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The boy (Free verse) by geewhiz1962
There was a young boy His life lacked any joy. There was a pair. They could not create a heir. They tried and they pondered. He cried and he wondered. Couples came by and looked right past him. The pair wanted a Susie and not a Tim. And then one day, through a chance encounter. The boy met the lady and wrapped his arms around her. The man came in later and saw the lad. He said to his wife, the boy seemed so sad. Later that night, when the pair settled down. They talked and they pondered at what they had found. Early the next day, when the home opened up. The pair was at the door, offering to adopt. The boy was so delighted, now he had a home. The pair so happy they were no longer alone.

Up the ladder: form: haiku cinquain
Down the ladder: Beam reach

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10046
Posted: June 4, 2003 4:18 PM PDT; Last modified: June 4, 2003 4:18 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Jun-03/5:12 PM | Reply
About time, where do I sign?
[3] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 4-Jun-03/10:10 PM | Reply
"a heir" -> "an heir"

You might try getting someone to read this aloud to you, and pick out where the flow seems off. (I stumbled all over the place; nearly broke an 'ankle').

And I'm not all too into the "I must capitalize the first word of every line and put a period at the end". It doesn't "go with the flow" for me. Lots of sentences arbitrarily chopped...
[3] spank me baby yeah @ 62.105.88.10 | 5-Jun-03/5:09 AM | Reply
I compare thee to the contents of a diaper 3
138 view(s)




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