| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Regrets (Lyric) by Mikius My time has come
I lie in bed
The sharpened scythe,
I'm all but dead
My life is spent
My days are through
Winter comes
To life renew
As I part
I leave regrets
I wish I'd lived,
Not hedged my bets
I loved you once
so long ago
But now, just darkness
and I must go
As I part
My final say,
Live your life
and love the day
For I wasted mine
On a silent glance
Listen now
You still have a chance
Up the ladder:
Neckbrake
Down the ladder:
Virginia Beach in Spring
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: April 28, 2003 3:05 PM PDT; Last modified: April 29, 2003 1:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2086053 Overall Rank: 4445 Comments:
[n/a]
JakeBike @ 167.206.181.179
|
28-Apr-03/3:29 PM
|
Reply
please change the title to 'Advice from Damocles'.
Hmmm... My final say??? you meaning 'saying' or 'your last words', 'dying breath' maybe? Just checking. Not bad anyway. -6-
Here's how it is: I like the content very much, but the timing is dodgy in places. For example change line 10 to simply 'leaving regrets', have a look through it and you will see what needs reducing. I expect you will reedit this one too so shall save my vote for the time being.
I see what you mean. I'll look at re-working it. I'm also not too happy about the last 3 verses, they seem lacking in description. Any other suggestions?
230 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
