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Virginia Beach in Spring (Free verse) by andrewjthomas
Turtle trails along the wet sand
leading back to the salt and sea.
The air is wet and chill;
the world wakes slowly.
His pants rolled up three quarters,
shoes discarded somewhere back at the car,
He traces mating paths with caution.
Waves rush to meet his feet
just as the sun begins to yawn, "Good morning."
As careful as he's been
he didn't count on the tide being this strong,
the ocean still cold from winter.
On the horizon, an oiler is pulling in,
or heading out, he can't tell which,
Its running lights competing with the new day.
Absent-minded seaweed clings to one leg,
he wishes he were there -
on the bridge or the forecastle,
feeling the rush of wind.
Homecoming or embarkment,
the wind always felt the same -
pure, refreshing, clean.
He skips a sand dollar as tugs
come to crowd the oiler to shore.
So homecoming it is...
and walking back to the car,
he wonders if turtles feel longing.
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 5.2086053
Overall Rank: 4446
Posted: April 29, 2003 2:53 PM PDT; Last modified: January 27, 2004 2:51 PM PST
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Comments:
249 view(s)
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And the last part about the tugs is either badly worded or unnecesary. Especially wondering how the turtles feel. I like the idea, and can't decide if it's better left to the imagination (whether or not it's homecoming). No vote until I have more time to think.
tugs are used to bring in big ships for docking, if the ship were leaving it wouldn't need tugs
this is how the guy figures out that it's homecoming
i'm a little sad to lose the word play of "sees" but i think you're right
as for the ending, i'm not sure how to change it
"how the turtles feel" is sorta the climax
how about "he wonders if the turtles can feel his longing"?