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A Love Story For The Dead (Free verse) by Caducus
By the coast of rotting clams I sat in our Cavern, I was waiting for the waves to take me to you The scattered driftwood I made for our fire still stood, The seagulls cried as I read your message in the sand, I watched the black tide of vines thickly fall, The stench of salt dried my mouth, And all I felt was the tepid lapping of water surrounding me. As a child I would make sandcastles in here, Safe from clumsy feet they would stand majestic for days, Now as a man I return full of fear, Love never dies, it stays. As the water level rises, the stalagmites press harder against my flesh, The water feels cold, But I am not fighting for breath. Then I am standing by your side holding hands on the beach, Your watching a young boy making sandcastles in a cave, You look at me, looking at the sea, And seagulls cried as I looked at my grave. (for the old me )

Up the ladder: Falling
Down the ladder: One Lump Or Two?

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 60
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.888889
Weighted score: 6.4444447
Overall Rank: 740
Posted: March 25, 2003 9:30 AM PST; Last modified: April 24, 2003 8:33 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.19.37 | 25-Mar-03/2:44 PM | Reply
Profound and thought provoking. Excellent -10-
[8] Ranger @ 62.7.165.10 | 6-Apr-03/8:16 AM | Reply
Yep, I like this one too, but I would love to see more description in the second stanza. Even so I believe this is worth an 8.
("Love never dies, it stays"-one of the best lines in any of your poems)
[8] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 6-Apr-03/8:29 PM | Reply
I'm a sentimental fool.
A bitter sentimental fool.
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ 68.14.26.239 > Bill Z Bub | 6-Apr-03/9:05 PM | Reply
sen ti men tal fool
who broke
the golden rule
you couldn't resist it
Yes I know it's true
I've seen what love can do
But I don't regret it
Ohhh you silly thing
Can't you see what's happening
You're better without her
No that's not the case
If you were in my place
Then you wouldn't doubt it
or something
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 6-Apr-03/8:29 PM | Reply
"And seagulls cried as the boy started to wave." it had ahold of me until this line. Then I just laughed. You might consider losing it. Seriously.
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ 68.14.26.239 > horus8 | 6-Apr-03/9:07 PM | Reply
And I ra-a-an, I ran so far awa-a-ay, and I ra-a-an, I ran so far awa-a-ay.
[n/a] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 > horus8 | 24-Apr-03/8:34 AM | Reply
Thanks Horus, I have changed the ending. The end meant something but sounded funny begging to be misinterpreted so this fits better.
[8] maffy @ 62.105.88.10 | 7-Apr-03/6:26 AM | Reply
Cool as fcuk 8
[10] Kitch @ 195.92.168.163 | 21-Jun-03/9:38 AM | Reply
Brilliant
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