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Waiting to exit (Free verse) by INTRANSIT I have grown quite
tired
of this transparent box I was raised in.
I wish i'd seen it sooner.
The cold water of knowledge rushes,
trying to drown me.
Muscles worn numb from swimming.
I'm waiting for the water to
float me to the top of this box,
if I don't expire.
Where I can scrape-roll myself
over the edge, and fall.
On the pavement, I can lie shivering
until the blood starts to flow again.
Then crane myself to my feet,
and shake vigorously, enunciating life.
Then wander, to a warm place in the sun.
Where I can finish thawing.
Then run.
Up the ladder:
Past
Down the ladder:
Digging
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.1666665
Posted: March 8, 2003 8:09 PM PST; Last modified: March 8, 2003 8:09 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0448236 Overall Rank: 6978 Comments:
[8]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232
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8-Mar-03/9:01 PM
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Reply
okay, now I need time for some digestion! sounds good to me so far. I like this one, it has a familiar cast to it somehow... hmm.
Some good, some bad. Think about the metaphor you are trying to create and the expound on it. It is not as if it is an easy thing to do. If you want to be a good writer, you have to pour over your work.to make sure everything is connected. Make sure it all makes sense. Just ask DA.
I'm assuming you are referring to this poem. I'm letting it percolate for now. Could use some help with my "eskimo" and my "runes" when you get a moment. I'm particularly fond of them and would like to see them break gravity. glad to see yu are well. thank you.
what is the box? why do you keep calling it a box? is it an icecube?
mornin'. metaphor for "american dream" or things along that line. w're taught rules without reasoning. I know it needs work. I'm not framed for it at the moment. thanks z.
do you have a moment for "lightest touch"?
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