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first kiss (Free verse) by lost in america Lips shaking-
quiver,
shiver against
wallflowers
not me
not you
but us.
earthquake,
maybe -
tremor of new
earth beneath;
the last breath
of friendship.
Up the ladder:
The follies befalling an unfledged street poet.
Down the ladder:
The Good Old Days in New Orleans
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.9142857
Posted: February 28, 2003 11:36 PM PST; Last modified: March 7, 2003 9:19 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.913979 Overall Rank: 1425 Comments:
[6]
OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3
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1-Mar-03/12:23 AM
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Reply
I like it. Reminds me of myself not too long ago. Sweet. Innocent. Naive? Good luck. (6)
Quite sweet 7
it's okay, but hardly profound.
I rather like it as-is
spare and sweet
'last breath of friendship' is a nice observation.
Very nice. That moment you can feel when everything changes, well captured.
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