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"Crying" (Free verse) by Jaketiger
Im feeling tired, and lost, Dont know what im do, cause i feel so hurt, The feeling can't be described in just plain words, It like a needle in my heart, i can't help the crying, That why im sitting here trying to let it out, But im afraid that if i do of what youll say. And every day, I feel more distant than i was , and i start cry, My eyes they cant see, and i cant think, but i keep trying, Love is such a painfull thing, for me, Not knowing if you still love me, for me is worse then death. Or is our love thats dieing, Cause if it is i would be lieing , just to stop crying, I love you some much that i feel like dieing, Just to end the pain of this distance between us, But i hold on to tomorrow, for hope that this sorrow, will soon end, but i know that ill love you untill the end.

Up the ladder: Spring Delight

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0896473
Overall Rank: 6204
Posted: February 23, 2003 9:57 PM PST; Last modified: February 23, 2003 9:57 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Ray @ 207.177.68.9 | 24-Feb-03/9:28 AM | Reply
I like this one but i like the other one more..
[2] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.66.137 | 24-Feb-03/12:22 PM | Reply
blah blah blah I'm sad. try to use a metaphor or two--some fresh language. you almost did it with the needle in the heart, but instead you missed the target, punctured a lung and are making this gurgling sound. try some concise images.
[2] god'swife @ 209.179.134.232 | 24-Feb-03/9:37 PM | Reply
all feeling and bad spelling. Were's the art?
[10] CrAzYlAdY Surukain @ 66.218.250.64 > god'swife | 25-Feb-03/7:28 PM | Reply
......wait then wtf is poetry about then!? I mean who cares about the spelling as long as u understand wutever it is he's putting, besides im not as judgemental as sum ppl r, so wut do I know? -.- *gets hit by a car while playing in traffic*
[n/a] razorgrin @ 192.197.141.39 > CrAzYlAdY Surukain | 26-Feb-03/9:55 AM | Reply
The use of the language is also important. If you make your language look as if you dictated your work to a retarded 3-year-old, it tends to detract from the overall image no matter how good it is. Yes I am judgemental. All humans/animal in general are, and by saying that you're not, you're simply being a clueless twit.
[10] CrAzYlAdY Surukain @ 66.218.250.64 > razorgrin | 26-Feb-03/2:15 PM | Reply
.......READ! I said not AS judgemental meaning, i can be but i am not as serious, and i do agree with the use of language but i am no clueless twit.... y would u call me a pregnant goldfish neway? lol. Besides, Yes i do kinda agree, but yr last sentence was pretty much useless , now if u claim sumones work was dictated as tho it were for a 3 year old, u'd think that u would notice yr own mistake. !AS! Once again im not AS judgemental, I AM, but not as harsh. .....great, i really need to stop replying to these damn comments.....
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