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Stout Stick (Other) by Enki Paper bag,
paper bag,
on my head.
In the closet,
in the closet,
lock me in the shed.
Manacles,
manacles,
round my feet.
Hit me in the head,
that would be real sweet.
Up the ladder:
Love
Down the ladder:
Taller Girl
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: February 23, 2003 5:29 AM PST; Last modified: February 23, 2003 3:16 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7021 Comments:
Maybe i can clarify the symbolism of the closet? it's a profound metaphor the like of which no one can imagine a place that holds boogie men, skeletons, and apparently homosexuals. and also the ever rare pre teen pot s,oker durin an intermission while watching rambo two search for sp-ock, i meant the wrath of slahng. i meant tattoo and fantasy island, but not ricardo monteban selling me an oldsmobile, see.
Thanks. You hit the . . . ummm . . . nail right on the head.
Im no expert as i hav said once b4, but if i like it, i'll most certainly adore, even tho gettin hit on the head happens alot to me i like it neway * walks off and gets hit in the head by a heavy blunt object*
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1st i don't think you need to add a second "in the closet" in the first verse.
2nd the last line of the second verse is absolutely pathetic
So now the poem has 4 verses instead of two, the first three following the same style the last being different to the other three. Can't comment on your second complaint as you don't explain your gripe with it. The last line is however meant to break with the rest of the poem.