poemranker ::Stout Stick by Enki

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Other № 41294

Stout Stick

by Enki

Member since 2003 · Posted 23 Feb 2003 · Edited 23 Feb 2003 · 6 comments

Paper bag, paper bag, on my head. In the closet, in the closet, lock me in the shed. Manacles, manacles, round my feet. Hit me in the head, that would be real sweet.

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mean 5.33 weighted 5.04 rank 7014 views 131 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

6 comments

[n/a] Fear of Garbage 23-Feb-03/2:44 PM Reply
2 complaints.
1st i don't think you need to add a second "in the closet" in the first verse.
2nd the last line of the second verse is absolutely pathetic
[n/a] Enki › Fear of Garbage 23-Feb-03/3:21 PM Reply
On the first complaint. I've edited the poem so that breaks are more obvious in the way it's meant to be read. So perhaps that will clarify why there is a second "in the closet".
So now the poem has 4 verses instead of two, the first three following the same style the last being different to the other three. Can't comment on your second complaint as you don't explain your gripe with it. The last line is however meant to break with the rest of the poem.
[n/a] Nanshe › Fear of Garbage 23-Feb-03/9:28 PM Reply
Not to those who have spent time locked in sheds.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> 23-Feb-03/3:38 PM Reply
Maybe i can clarify the symbolism of the closet? it's a profound metaphor the like of which no one can imagine a place that holds boogie men, skeletons, and apparently homosexuals. and also the ever rare pre teen pot s,oker durin an intermission while watching rambo two search for sp-ock, i meant the wrath of slahng. i meant tattoo and fantasy island, but not ricardo monteban selling me an oldsmobile, see.
[n/a] Enki › <{Baba^Yaga}> 23-Feb-03/3:45 PM Reply
Thanks. You hit the . . . ummm . . . nail right on the head.
[6] CrAzYlAdY Surukain 23-Feb-03/10:58 PM Reply
Im no expert as i hav said once b4, but if i like it, i'll most certainly adore, even tho gettin hit on the head happens alot to me i like it neway * walks off and gets hit in the head by a heavy blunt object*