Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

THe Missing Piece (Free verse) by redtearsc
There was something missing from his life It was important becuase it pierced him like a knife The thing that no one had let him know Was that he had a little sister whcih made him a big bro He found out about his sister after 17 years Because finally she had decided to face her fears They then started to communicate So they both learned to love and not hate They were nervous at first But now they hang out like an undying thirst He love her with all of his heart And prays to God that they will never part Wondering if he should talk to his dad Him and his siter hope he won't be mad They always chill together behind his back They just want to fill the enormous crack He wants to meet his dad but doesn't know when When he does we hope they will have composure like all other men He needs to find a way to show him he is kin And if he loves him the battle we fought will be a win If we all learn to love one another it will be great If not we will have to blame our fate No matter what I will always love you.

Up the ladder: Anchored pockets
Down the ladder: Happy Kid

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.8211956
Overall Rank: 10845
Posted: January 16, 2003 2:37 PM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2003 2:37 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[6] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 16-Jan-03/5:41 PM | Reply
Couple typos here and there.
Odd way of sounding (the poem out).
Structure's sort of wobbly still.
Did you choose the simplicity of your words purposely?
Because it takes away from the sentiment i believe.
Therefore, you might option to re- edit this piece with a bigger dictionary if you catch my meaning.
overall though, not bad
I can relate to the situation.
And hopefully your honesty
That is unless it was all bullshit, but i doubt that..have a 6.
125 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001