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Turmoil

Member since 2002 · Posted 11 Jan 2003 · Edited 16 Jan 2003 · 4 comments

Violence conquers over all Thoughts of suicide race in many minds No one feels for the ones lost in the flow of society Someone has been mugged Someone has been killed Someone has been raped Do you care? Do I care? Does anyone care? We are together, but yet we are all on our own The darkness calls through use of wind in the night like a savior coming to heal our old wounds We know of each other, but do we know each other For some death is a release from what has been a painful existence It's like irony for the soul To think that in a world filled with so many of the same species that small things keep us far away from each other To the people feeling all alone do know that there is so many like you All the killing All the rape All the hatred We must love chaos cause it surrounds us And we flock to it like birds to the pieces of bread on the floor

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mean 4.00 weighted 4.88 rank 10026 views 177 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

4 comments

[7] Bachus 15-Jan-03/9:29 PM Reply

"but yet we are all on are own" are should be our.
"We are together, but yet we are all on are own

The darkness calls through use of wind in the night like a savior coming
to heal our old wounds".
this mass of words should be combined and compressed more vertical into four together sentences like the other stanzas in your poem...and the rest is great have a 7..with corrections, i wouldn't be suprised to see this getting 8's and 9's and even a the rare 10. trust me.

[8] Caducus 16-Jan-03/1:43 AM Reply

First off let me say I liked this, the message was sincere and its nice to see a heartfelt rather than academic way of writing about what you did.
However it does read more like a newspaper column than a poem, the last 3 lines have no happily ever after and you have achieved what you set out to do making me reflect on the flaws of human nature. **********8********

[6] horus8 16-Jan-03/9:45 PM Reply

yes we do care! no. we can't do a fucking thing about it..let me no when you got the perp in a line up..i'll come hold your hand..see no kids, you can't give a poet like thoughtful soul a bad score cuz they meant well, so you have to do the 6 thing..you know what i mean?

[0] poetandknowit 16-Jan-03/10:31 PM Reply

Nice sentiment. Bad poem.