| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Turmoil (Free verse) by ThoughtfulSoul Violence conquers over all
Thoughts of suicide race in many minds
No one feels for the ones lost in the
flow of society
Someone has been mugged
Someone has been killed
Someone has been raped
Do you care? Do I care?
Does anyone care?
We are together, but yet we are all on our own
The darkness calls through use of wind in the night like a savior coming
to heal our old wounds
We know of each other, but do we know each other
For some death is a release from what has been a painful
existence
It's like irony for the soul
To think that in a world filled with so many
of the same species that small things keep us
far away from each other
To the people feeling all alone do know that there is
so many like you
All the killing
All the rape
All the hatred
We must love chaos cause it surrounds us
And we flock to it like birds to the pieces of
bread on the floor
Up the ladder:
Bumming kiddies
Down the ladder:
Magick Fingers of Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: January 11, 2003 10:26 PM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2003 9:42 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.880797 Overall Rank: 10042 Comments:
First off let me say I liked this, the message was sincere and its nice to see a heartfelt rather than academic way of writing about what you did.
However it does read more like a newspaper column than a poem, the last 3 lines have no happily ever after and you have achieved what you set out to do making me reflect on the flaws of human nature. **********8********
yes we do care! no. we can't do a fucking thing about it..let me no when you got the perp in a line up..i'll come hold your hand..see no kids, you can't give a poet like thoughtful soul a bad score cuz they meant well, so you have to do the 6 thing..you know what i mean?
Nice sentiment. Bad poem.
177 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
"We are together, but yet we are all on are own
The darkness calls through use of wind in the night like a savior coming
to heal our old wounds".
this mass of words should be combined and compressed more vertical into four together sentences like the other stanzas in your poem...and the rest is great have a 7..with corrections, i wouldn't be suprised to see this getting 8's and 9's and even a the rare 10. trust me.