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To the Storm - A Final Prayer (Free verse) by Satine
Alone I sit, I wait, and wonder Within this night I feel the thunder. So hard it strikes with crashing pain, Looking up, I weep against the rain. I watch the world through bitter eyes As lightning flashes through its lies. Trembling with the earth I shake, So deep this breaking storm will ache. Raging now, these waters violent, But how my anger rushes silent. The wind it howls with long despair, This grip I lose, my fingers tear. Though all my life I've held so tight, Tonight I'm just too weak to fight. I grasp for air as I'm pulled down, Flooded by pain my soul has drowned. The storm subsides into a calm, It seems as though the danger's gone. The shroud so dark, sunlight defeats Yet I, untouched within this peace. No light there is could save me now, So to the distant storm I bow. With the thunder, my heart will share One last beat, a final prayer. Oh God, please let me fade away, Another storm will rage today. God, take me now from where I lie, And gently with the clouds, I die.

Up the ladder: Cussedness
Down the ladder: Valentine

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.3333335
Overall Rank: 3484
Posted: June 19, 2002 7:49 PM PDT; Last modified: June 20, 2002 10:24 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 20-Jun-02/12:49 PM | Reply
s1 line 4 breaks the rhythm you were building. "lightning flashes true its lies" is awkward and confusing, for me -- true can mean different things, and which it you're referring to can be taken different ways...

s4 line 4 also has an extra syllable ... or if it doesn't (i'm not counting) it sure feels like it does.

overall, I found the poem sweet if a bit simplistic. If I hadn't stumbled over the three things above I think I would have liked it more.
[7] Amelia @ 198.146.136.22 | 9-Jul-02/9:44 AM | Reply
I like!
[4] dilips_10 @ 203.197.190.94 | 20-Jul-02/3:35 AM | Reply
more lucid plz
[7] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 3-Aug-02/11:24 PM | Reply
It's like Joni Mitchell with a cock and a 12 gauge. with just enough cliches to staunch the bleeding.
[10] little_big_nose @ 216.207.133.193 | 11-Jan-04/6:36 PM | Reply
This is very strong poetry which not many people are capable of
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