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My world Of Emptiness (Free verse) by abbaslittleclingon
Yesterday all feeling missing I escaped to a world of emptiness Hidden from vicious creatures hissing A distant chant to the beat of a guess My icy hot chest is more than seared Chanters keep me hostile guest This haunted place holds all I feared The three tongued creature leads the rest This is where my fears are mirrored So unreal to people blessed My eyes are wide with secret tears As I escape to my world of emptiness.
Up the ladder: The Advent Of Monsoon
Down the ladder: Cyanide Summer
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6837
Posted: November 24, 2002 11:59 PM PST; Last modified: November 24, 2002 11:59 PM PST
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Comments:
[5] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 25-Nov-02/1:15 AM | Reply
not bad, 1st line definitely doesnt sound right, check the grammar ok?
[n/a] abbaslittleclingon @ 24.67.253.204 > Caducus | 25-Nov-02/1:57 AM | Reply
Caducus,
Thanks for the pointers.
abbaslittleclingon
[8] Ranger @ 212.219.142.161 | 25-Nov-02/4:43 AM | Reply
I quite like this-it would go well to a Black Sabbath tune (can't remember which one though...) I agree that the first line needs adjusting 8/10
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