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lover rock (Free verse) by roses are read
i am lover rock you play hard ball, warrior, stomp dancing like a moshing Native American, no grace, all grace? my heart is stopping like death, but you're involved. flicker firefly nerves singular glow (coming from the both of us) i can taste the stale freshness in the air ideas whirling around your spinning elbows perfection looming like a heavy gold medal jealousy might be lost, but who knows all i see now is pain.

Down the ladder: This Is Just to Say

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5833333
Weighted score: 3.9643338
Overall Rank: 13393
Posted: May 24, 2002 7:04 AM PDT; Last modified: May 24, 2002 7:04 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] horus8 @ 209.232.20.104 | 17-Aug-02/9:35 AM | Reply
it was great until the last line..pain? let's go for a hail mary and give them the "pain"

All i see now is propane, and let me tell you. it's a little overwhelming. if not down right predictable.............kale gun is loaded we have a target in sight, and are waiting for the signal...dice.hose.noun.grenade
[7] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 17-Aug-02/9:43 AM | Reply
"but you're involved" this bit trips it up. last 2 lines need to be re-written. other than that, very tight.
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