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Warmth Amidst Winter (Free verse) by loneshadow29
With passing months The days grow short But even as the sun sets each and every day I watch with wonder Knowing that happiness Holds dear in my life Once cold and lonely My heart was hardened By the winter snow So many times have I known The bitter chill of loneliness My heart cast aside But now, so strange as it is Something started to grow Deep inside my hollow shell A flame, so small at first But slowly growing until my heart Becomes awash with flame the flames of love and joy Reaching out for hope once lost For joy long since forgotten the winter has come but my heart feels not its chill only warmth of happiness fills my heart because of her love for me

Up the ladder: The Waking
Down the ladder: Holding On

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.1
Weighted score: 5.05
Overall Rank: 6826
Posted: October 14, 2002 8:42 AM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2002 8:42 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] vulcan @ 80.242.3.121 | 14-Oct-02/8:50 AM | Reply
nice!7
[6] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 14-Oct-02/5:36 PM | Reply
I like the transition from sadness to happiness.Um, your still telling,not showing. Instead of using a season directly(winter), try being more specific. I.E. Compare your feeling of sorrow to a frozen lake. Compare your happiness to the smoldering coals of a fire not yet fully extinguished. You want your feeling to be worse (or better) than anyone elses, so exaggerate the feeling, this helps grab your audience. Did you knock a knuckle on the counter? Then make it sound as if you slammed your hand in a friggin CAR DOOR! See the diff? Keep going, you're gaining on it.6 I'm gonna make you work for it.
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