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Charlottesville (Free verse) by New Life Drug
Do you remember the time we sat together on that sinking couch during the storm? It was in the lobby, and I was wet. Little did I know you weren't thinking of me. I heard her words so confident, and I should have known you felt the same. Because she said "I like him" and little did I know you touched her 3, 000 feet up in the air. I was torn like the lighting in the sky. That night in Charlottesville could have been so beautiful And the phones weren't working so I took pictures of the falling, swirling, rain while the fire department came. The alarms went off and I remember feeling sick and so distant on that couch. That damn fake antique. A place trying to look so classy with its marble floors and all this time you were the filthy one. I guess it was a perfect time to rain because it was like my soul crying. Such a happy time. Maybe I shouldn't have gone up and sat alone in the big blue chair because during that time you were deciding if you were going to leave me, which you ended up doing. I suppose that's why you barely said I word on that fuckin sinking (and now damp) couch. If only I knew what you were hiding from me. That night.. I remember... We ate at the Italian place and met a comedian in the girl's room. I'll never forget the storm, and what you did to me. I wont forget Charlottesville

Up the ladder: Sick
Down the ladder: The Devil Made Her Do It

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6363635
Weighted score: 5.318182
Overall Rank: 3505
Posted: October 2, 2002 6:09 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2002 6:09 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] little_angel_maria @ 213.122.88.52 | 4-Oct-02/2:32 AM | Reply
i realy like this poem its really good
[n/a] New Life Drug @ 64.175.39.248 > little_angel_maria | 4-Oct-02/5:47 PM | Reply
Thank you. This poem really means a lot to me.
[3] god'swife @ 209.178.176.165 | 8-Oct-02/11:21 AM | Reply
You know this is a poignant scene and you have a couple of lines that work , torn like lightening is good. and S2 is enjoyable intil the last line. Too much like a journal entry too little like a poem.
[n/a] New Life Drug @ 64.175.39.248 > god'swife | 8-Oct-02/1:14 PM | Reply
Ok
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.245.180 | 8-Oct-02/4:12 PM | Reply
Forget it Jake, -- It's Charlottesville.

Oh... I... *weeps*

DAMN THAT COUCH! DAMN IT STRAIGHT TO HELL!

0/10
[5] ==Doylum @ 62.6.76.26 | 21-Oct-02/9:20 AM | Reply
oh
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Jan-03/5:57 PM | Reply
"I was torn like the lighting in the sky." lightning? i believe this could use a could re-editing. Then it'd be a real tamale.
[n/a] New Life Drug @ 64.175.38.25 > horus8 | 20-Jan-03/10:11 AM | Reply
AH. The lightning wasn't torn.. It was the sky FROM the lightning. That's what I meant. oops. And another correction would be "barely said A word" not I word. oooooook. hey I'm 14 now. wooohoo!
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 20-Jan-03/10:17 AM | Reply
Hot tamales, yeah they're red hot. Yeah! She got 'em for sale!!1
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