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Sick (Free verse) by timfowler
There's a path I walk, a disused line, with fences either side it turns slowly, then runs straight and enclosed through fields, past houses made remote by intervening wire. A year ago, just here, where the dead bridge crosses, I stood and cried, and heard in the streaming rain the clock's slow sobs of seconds, disposed like skin, slipping. It rained as much today, tried hard to snow, and I walked the path again, under the bridge, to the place where you can watch the trains, feel the vibration in your sodden shoes of a heavy line, meant for steel or stone, but empty, empty, empty

Down the ladder: Charlottesville

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6363635
Weighted score: 5.318182
Overall Rank: 3504
Posted: May 20, 2002 2:16 AM PDT; Last modified: May 20, 2002 2:16 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] malakin @ 148.108.1.56 | 20-May-02/11:50 AM | Reply
reminds me of Quentin in Sound & Fury, coincedence? I'd be interested to know.. anyway, with that in mind, I like it.. without, it leaves me unsatisfied, not enough on the underlying subject matter.. well written though, very vivid
[10] Angel_of_fait @ 209.33.154.135 | 9-Jul-02/12:46 AM | Reply
Very Very good i loved it angel_of_fait......
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.179.210.46 | 1-Sep-02/1:45 PM | Reply
I'm having trouble with all the commas. I tend to overuse them myself. Otherwise good, particularly the last stanza, it's pretty and careworn.
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