Theoretical Islamic Math

Member since 2002 · Posted 1 Oct 2002 · Edited 29 Mar 2003 · 23 comments

1) If you are traveling at 456 mph and heading straight into a skyscraper inside of a passenger jet full of wailing women and children, but it's time to pray to Allah, do you... A. Forehead the ground ignoring the screams and the 4,000 degree flesh incinerating fire balls? B. Pass out candy, but only to the notably deserving Muslim children who can calm down for just a second before they are turned into dust and fodder? C. Day-dream of fucking 40 virgins in heaven while drinking mead and eating honey coated dates, whilest being fanned with a palm frond, and hand fed grapes and cherries? D. Have a moment of self loathing clarity only to shrug your shoulders in irony before being blown to worthless bits of soon to be topsoil and worm food? E. Draw a blank as you drool upon your shirt due to years of rocking back and forth while you read 'very important' holy scriptures about love, humanity, and enlightened kindness towards all of God's creatures?

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mean 6.50 weighted 5.75 rank 1805 views 297 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

23 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 2-Oct-02/7:02 AM Reply

Goofball. Loved it. If you want, I'll score it. Just say so.

[n/a] Bachus › INTRANSIT 3-Oct-02/1:42 AM Reply

so!

[9] INTRANSIT › Bachus 3-Oct-02/7:01 AM Reply

And so it shall be.

[10] god'swife 2-Oct-02/8:04 AM Reply

I voted last night but was to tired to comment. Excellent. Cuts to the quick. I'd love to see a whole series of these illuminating both sides of this bitter greedy coin.

[10] god'swife 2-Oct-02/8:13 AM Reply

I also wanted to mention Line C loses it's sting because it doesbn't have the flow of the others. Maybe you could switch the grammer around a bit to unstop it.

[7] <~> 2-Oct-02/3:07 PM Reply

you, sirrah, are neither a gentleman nor a scholar, and that's exactly why i want you.

[6] TheDevil 2-Oct-02/5:13 PM Reply

First of all, it's 72 virgins I'll dream of, thank you very much. Secondly, I choose option F: Stand up, laugh your head off, moon the whole of New York, and start dancing through the isles to the tune of 'I Will Survive', timing it so that the impact with the building will come a split second after a reiteration of the refrain.

[n/a] Bachus › TheDevil 3-Oct-02/1:45 PM Reply

that's cuz your the devil...anything less from you, and me and pan would be asking (democratically of course) for your withdrawl from office. yours truly, white knuckle phillip "the demigurgas of dark green asparagus 'piss' 'smell'....resine or dine .swine

[n/a] Bachus › TheDevil 15-Jan-03/9:00 PM Reply

Shit, i meant to include this one Mr. North Wind..can you forgive me?

[5] Reuben Spiteri 6-Oct-02/11:10 PM Reply

islam and some fucked up maniacs have no connection....

islam like is a great relegion, just like all relegions.... unfornutely it is used too many times as an excuse...

but this is noting new.... politics always use organizations for their own requirments...

sad world sometimes....

[n/a] Bachus › Reuben Spiteri 7-Oct-02/1:37 PM Reply

what? you think i don't know that. unfortunately it's 'religions period! that become the 'vehicles' used by these self appointed men of god to get their fucking rocks off. i collect rocks.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub › Reuben Spiteri 16-Jan-03/8:39 AM Reply

Islam and THESE PARTICULAR fucked up maniacs have a very intimate connection. This is a fact.
Very few Muslims are terrorists. But these Muslim's WERE terrorists, were psychotic, were, for want of a better word, evil. And there's much more where they came from.
Some may object to the fact that these men are labelled as ISLAMIC terrorists, but that is how they wanted the world to see them. That there are millions of peaceful Muslims around the world with no connection to terrorism is also a fact.
But unless these peaceful Muslims do something about the fundamentalist jihad on the West, they are mostly irrelevant to this topic.
Mini-Rant Over.

[0] Ninoy_Instigator 7-Oct-02/5:26 PM Reply

You are the scum, American, propaganda artist know it all. You have no research to back your info up, you dont even know how to spell Allah! Dumbass learn facts first

[5] Reuben Spiteri 7-Oct-02/6:16 PM Reply

everybosy knows this... however the info is sometimes misleading...

relegion like everything was always misused... take a look at the roman empire dating back 500 AD and the catholic church.... what we are seeing now is noting new....

[0] razorgrin 11-Oct-02/6:39 AM Reply

utter crap.

[n/a] Bachus › razorgrin 13-Oct-02/1:07 PM Reply

butter flap? excellent???

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 13-Oct-02/1:50 PM Reply

I AM BACHUS AND MY GREAT POWER COMES FROM HILARIOUS FLIPPANCE.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub 15-Jan-03/7:30 PM Reply

wicked, o man. Even the lord of the flies is revolted by these acts. wicked, o poet.
Even a useless shit like me can feel righteous anger. I may be mad, I may be blinded by sadness, but I love this.

[0] deleted user 16-Jan-03/3:16 AM Reply

Utterly pointless and completely insulting;but i suppose that was what you intended anyway.people kill people, not religion, its simply our interpretation that makes all the difference

[n/a] Ranger 16-Jan-03/7:38 AM Reply

Argh, do I laugh hysterically and vote you a ten or do I think "racist American" and vote zero? I dunno, I think I'll go for "Do bugger all". Yes, that works.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub 16-Jan-03/8:40 AM Reply

Alah --> Allah
druel --> drool

[8] scitz 16-Jan-03/9:16 AM Reply

Nice to see an intelligent american who speaks without apology for his beliefs, Bush thought yugoslavia was a car skoda made, its only one mans opinion, and one mans opinion is what democracy is about. Its always difficult to vote on these pieces but Bachus carry on taking no prisoners theres too much bullshit in this world this is escapism like it or bike it. ###8

[n/a] DurtKL 30-Mar-03/8:05 AM Reply

it's stupid