DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Never get it right

Member since 2002 · Posted 27 Sep 2002 · 4 comments

I sometimes get to think, that maybe if you hold me once again tight we can make it right hold each others all night i miss your touch though i know i'm askin for so much that maybe we can make it thru the place n time maybe you'de be mine and i'de be yours get lost in each other's souls i sometimes wonder why did we have to fight when all i really wanted to say is i love you and why everything we did or said just hurts us more we never know what for it's life, which we never get it right.

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9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

4 comments

[7] INTRANSIT 27-Sep-02/6:20 PM Reply

Both pieces need less telling and more showing. Recommendation: Find poetry that you like and read as much as you can. You'll develop a better feel for the written word.7

[n/a] Mutant_X › INTRANSIT 28-Sep-02/4:42 AM Reply

thanx for the comment,i'll keep that in mind.

[n/a] Spider-Man › Mutant_X 16-Jan-03/2:39 AM Reply

Mutant X - is that the comic or the TV show?

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom 11-Apr-03/10:01 PM Reply

The wording at the end is a bit confusing. Try keeping to one tense per line(i.e. and why everything we did or said just hurts us more) either drop the s on hurts or change did and said to do or say. Lose the "it" and/or the "right" in the last line. They just muddle your point.