| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Never get it right (Free verse) by Mutant_X I sometimes get to think,
that maybe if you hold me once again tight
we can make it right
hold each others all night
i miss your touch
though i know i'm askin for so much
that maybe we can make it thru the place n time
maybe you'de be mine
and i'de be yours
get lost in each other's souls
i sometimes wonder why did we have to fight
when all i really wanted to say is i love you
and why everything we did or said just hurts us more
we never know what for
it's life,
which we never get it right.
Up the ladder:
A Day, Wasted
Down the ladder:
Put Down
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.111111
Posted: September 27, 2002 4:52 PM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2002 4:52 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0555553 Overall Rank: 6806 Comments:
[7]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.107
|
27-Sep-02/6:20 PM
|
Reply
Both pieces need less telling and more showing. Recommendation: Find poetry that you like and read as much as you can. You'll develop a better feel for the written word.7
[n/a]
Mutant_X @ 212.138.47.15
> INTRANSIT
|
28-Sep-02/4:42 AM
|
Reply
thanx for the comment,i'll keep that in mind.
[n/a]
Spider-Man @ 212.219.142.161
> Mutant_X
|
16-Jan-03/2:39 AM
|
Reply
Mutant X - is that the comic or the TV show?
The wording at the end is a bit confusing. Try keeping to one tense per line(i.e. and why everything we did or said just hurts us more) either drop the s on hurts or change did and said to do or say. Lose the "it" and/or the "right" in the last line. They just muddle your point.
143 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
