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A Day, Wasted (Other) by Joyleaf We took over the party.
We were crazy and free.
We made lots of new friends.
After the party,
as one crazy night rolled over into the open arms of an easy day,
we headed to a friends house.
She had a hammock and a hot tub.
It was good.
So the sun came up and the party continued.
Then the dogs started to bark.
Three men wearing blue came into the backyard.
The party skidded to an abrupt stop.
With red eyes and dilated pupils, we attempted to look innocent.
It was bad.
They left once it was apparent our fun was ruined.
Men in blue still make me paranoid.
Up the ladder:
Award shows make my cock hard, but you don't
Down the ladder:
Never get it right
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.111111
Posted: September 26, 2002 2:58 PM PDT; Last modified: September 26, 2002 2:58 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0555553 Overall Rank: 6802 Comments:
[8]
god'swife @ 209.179.210.161
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26-Sep-02/8:16 PM
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Reply
This is great it many ways and awful in others. I don't know what to tell you. It needs work but I don't want you to touch it. I enjoyed this.
what the fuck am I talking about, this thing is perfect. Some day I want to be the mom that comes downstairs and tells the blue boys to shoo.
Thanks! I know that it's not perfect, but the way it's stated is really sort of the way it happened--the world didn't make much sense, at the time. I mean, here you are, wrapped up in this warm blanket of friendship, fun, and chemicals. Then, suddenly, the blanket's stripped away, someone is splashing cold water on you and telling to wake the f*ck up, 'cause you're going to jail. Hell of a way for it all to end, really...
Doesn't have to be perfect if it's charming. Good analogy for growing older and the moral arrogance of responsible vs. irresponsible. It's a fine fucking balance between enjoying life and meeting expectations, both personal and public.
:) Excellent! Thank you!
Great use of the "statement". Fantastic use of telling rather than showing. Great use of "Party" three times in less than 40 lines, dude.
Been there done that and i like this one. So i give you an dime.
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