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Never get it right (Free verse) by Mutant_X

I sometimes get to think, that maybe if you hold me once again tight we can make it right hold each others all night i miss your touch though i know i'm askin for so much that maybe we can make it thru the place n time maybe you'de be mine and i'de be yours get lost in each other's souls i sometimes wonder why did we have to fight when all i really wanted to say is i love you and why everything we did or said just hurts us more we never know what for it's life, which we never get it right.

thepinkbunnyofdoom 11-Apr-03/10:01 PM
The wording at the end is a bit confusing. Try keeping to one tense per line(i.e. and why everything we did or said just hurts us more) either drop the s on hurts or change did and said to do or say. Lose the "it" and/or the "right" in the last line. They just muddle your point.




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