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Homecoming (Free verse) by ObiWonKn Coffee eyes,
Skin painted
In a perfect pastel
You stand there
With your
flawless smile
My head resting on your shoulder
As you hold me
Closer
Musk and vanilla
Make me high
As my lips brush your neck
Misplaced most
of my life,
Standing here now,
Seems I?m finally coming home
Up the ladder:
THE MISSING HEART
Down the ladder:
Human self pity
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.339402 Overall Rank: 13071 Comments:
[n/a]
deleted user @
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16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
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Reply
While I like the opening image "coffee eyes", it has a negative connotation to me. In fact the whole opening stanza feels negative (though well done), and conflicts with the rest of the poem, especially the closing.
gave me warm tinglies
the first two stanzas seem to be leading up to something, but I can't tell what angle you're taking with the final. perhaps more could be explained, somehow?
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