i once thought i had it trapped in a box, i thought metal could hold what i'd found forever... but you see, what i sought was unreal to this trap i had set... i was lost in my striving for an outlet To this constant stream of incognizant dreams, like a phase, on a platform My words rang like bells to somebody i sought but could never quite grab onto, i was at loss for a feeling i had to experience, i had to feel definitely, and this next time, i promised myself, would completely encompass the meaning i kept trying to reach for, love, or whatever the postmodern mind calls it. i would give anything to feel it again, i would give up on the feeling of autumn's first smell in the air, i would give up all my selfish pursuits of joy just to feel that once again... i guess if you try too hard the truth never comes it sticks to the roof of your mouth and never quite comes out as words or as a sound to compensate for the pain you have gone through to attain that one word you say... i'm stuck inside this, each night i dive inside this, a sea of broken memories, a maze of endless quandaries where i'm lost and so sick bored to the point of no end, i just want to feel something, i just want to steal something from somebody, anybody, anything to make this dream reality, finally, to make pursuit yield something definitely worth pursuing, my pursuit is fruitless, any attempt, no matter how ruthless it may be that i make ends up forsaking me. i'm stuck in nothing, i'm sticking to empty, i'm worthlessly bitching about a pain i'm not feeling. i just want to put an end to this, some kind of period on this sentence. some kind of final chapter, which could end in pain, or end in laughter. you know, maybe it won't come, maybe i'm supposed to be forever an entity lost in my soul's pursuit, maybe i'm just a ghost of what i used to be, maybe i'm just the q in my word for quandary, you know? never mind i didnt think so... you're just another one another brick in the building i'm trying to demolish, the feeling i can't abolish, the metal that never tarnishes, the ruthless aknowledgement that this pursuit is fruitless, and nothing could be worth this torment i go through to just breathe anew again, maybe death's the only option or love's the only potion, either way i'm drowning in an ocean of confusion and self-delusion has lost its flavor...