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Sunrise at McDonalds (Free verse) by Dovina
Bushy heads of palm trees long and slender stems taller than needed reaching for something unknown yet wanted risky, reaching high higher than you must wind can break you palm trees seem to say: worth it for the chase I think I can do I assign human thought where mere instinct rules? do palm trees think I reach too low? ~~~~~~~~ she sat before McDonalds window cell phone in her palm “Sunrise!” I blurted “palms in the sunrise!” she looked and saw it all and did not see blinded by wonder the world in her palm

Up the ladder: Counting

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.1422777
Overall Rank: 5437
Posted: December 4, 2020 2:16 PM PST; Last modified: December 4, 2020 2:16 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] nentwined @ 127.0.0.1 | 4-Dec-20/4:13 PM | Reply
Feels a little clipped to me in places (first two lines set a cadence for me that I then trip on line three).

I like the second view, definitely think it adds something. Though perhaps it would be less on the nose using the word "palm"?
[n/a] Dovina @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 > nentwined | 4-Dec-20/6:22 PM | Reply
Yeah, it lacks lyric
jerks like story
not fiction, but events
no way to write poetry
just hit 'em in the nose
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