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every bite remembers in my skin (Free verse) by silvertongueddevil
every bite remembers in my skin the mouth of your's, your lips, your teeth, your tongue plunging like my flesh is cream. now they whisper in my neck and chest and arms when you come close. i could forget with time and others but for the reminding i receive from every point you touched. they can only remember, in a chorus of small desires that you planted and i carry.

Up the ladder: Barditus Dei
Down the ladder: you soften me

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.230769
Weighted score: 5.168706
Overall Rank: 4961
Posted: May 11, 2002 3:25 AM PDT; Last modified: May 11, 2002 3:25 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4]... anonymous @ | 11-May-02/3:35 AM | Reply
a bit shakey. it doesn't all add up.
[n/a] razorgrin @ 142.166.107.30 | 20-Jun-02/9:01 AM | Reply
I really enjoy the beginning.The "Reminding" is a bit...eh, but this is nice.
[6] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 20-Jun-02/12:53 PM | Reply
your's is not a word. ["your is"? makes no sense]

tongue plunging into cream isn't an image I grok.

this poem reads jerkily, almost painfully, but... that works. I think I'd still prefer it if it flowed more easily, but. that might just be me.
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