poemranker ::In the middle by celticskatermatt1

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Free verse № 148077

In the middle

by celticskatermatt1

Member since 2004 · Posted 18 Nov 2006 · 1 comment

In the middle of the night at low tide "Hold the lines!" the Captain cried. Crossing icy waters of the river Men clutch there rifles as they shiver. The surrounding of the village took place A few stood back just in case. Surprise! We took them in their slumber No deaths of the any number.

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1 comment

[9] leonxic 14-Dec-06/12:56 PM Reply
No deaths is good. Try adding an extra syllable in l5 and two more l8 (maybe after "No deaths"); trust me it will flow better. Also the "the" in l8 is superfluous.