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In the middle (Free verse) by celticskatermatt1 In the middle of the night at low tide
"Hold the lines!" the Captain cried.
Crossing icy waters of the river
Men clutch there rifles as they shiver.
The surrounding of the village took place
A few stood back just in case.
Surprise! We took them in their slumber
No deaths of the any number.
Up the ladder:
Diaries of tears
Down the ladder:
Lessons(revised)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: November 18, 2006 12:44 AM PST; Last modified: November 18, 2006 12:44 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7079 Comments:
[9]
leonxic @ 129.7.121.238
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14-Dec-06/12:56 PM
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Reply
No deaths is good. Try adding an extra syllable in l5 and two more l8 (maybe after "No deaths"); trust me it will flow better. Also the "the" in l8 is superfluous.
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