Replying to a comment on:

In the middle (Free verse) by celticskatermatt1

In the middle of the night at low tide "Hold the lines!" the Captain cried. Crossing icy waters of the river Men clutch there rifles as they shiver. The surrounding of the village took place A few stood back just in case. Surprise! We took them in their slumber No deaths of the any number.

leonxic 14-Dec-06/12:56 PM
No deaths is good. Try adding an extra syllable in l5 and two more l8 (maybe after "No deaths"); trust me it will flow better. Also the "the" in l8 is superfluous.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001