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Beg Me Do (Free verse) by D. $ Fontera i will map your fears on the avenues
with red and yellow hues
i will erect a statue of your sin
enveloped in contradiction
while you beg me do begin
for the cement softly grafts its weave
the sculptor pays his dues
i will map your jealousy
with red and yellow hues
Up the ladder:
"The Sound of the Blade" by Dark Moor
Down the ladder:
Superfuture
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: September 6, 2006 4:05 PM PDT; Last modified: September 7, 2006 9:21 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.928861 Overall Rank: 9241 Comments:
[7]
ecargo @ 63.22.89.248
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10-Sep-06/6:14 PM
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Reply
I like the image of the map of fears and jealousy, tracing emotion like some kind of city subway map, and the image of sin commemorated as if it was some kind of statue. But in something so short, the repetition of lines doesn't really work for me--it seems like it needs more flesh or filling or something to make it more real and more complete. Still, interesting image of emotion made somehow tangible.
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