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The Prayer Vendor (Free verse) by Enkidu The corners hide him,
standing there in absolution.
He greets you with sincerity,
and deil's smiles
become his martyrs.
There are craven deprecations
from the callers,
and daring, fellow-feeling
prayers to ponder on,
unresolved.
Now, the mortal angels
rend the sky to find him
sitting on heavy weather;
the vitiating veil.
They curtail their graces.
And the Vendor whiles away
his wares to poorer folk
who stand in queue:
the drudge and the march,
with little miracles to desire.
Up the ladder:
Frozen Soul
Down the ladder:
Life (the circle)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: January 11, 2006 10:08 PM PST; Last modified: January 12, 2006 1:00 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.928861 Overall Rank: 9204 Comments:
I despise using dictionaries and thesauri unless I'm looking up the spelling of a word. By the way, a deprecation is a sort of prayer. Also, I used deil's (the devil's) smiles as a metaphor for the people who the Vendor makes suffer.
I see how that can be, but how many readers will even get through the unusual words in your large vocabulary to start thinking about an obsucre metaphor like that.
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"craven deprications" Did you use a thesaurus for "cowardly blames"? Not that it matters, but simpler language goes down easier. Still, I like this.