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Free verse № 135572

Temptation

Member since 2005 · Posted 20 Dec 2005 · 5 comments

Speechless, I lay here wondering. Speak to me, for my mind is blank. Countless hours listening, silence is my only language. Uncontrolled feelings merging, but from where? This stranger has seduced my thirst to learn, to feel, to love again, unafraid to take a chance. He speaks the recognizable; my soul. My every want and need strays from his tongue and into my ears as if they were his own. Tingling through my ears, beating the drums to a new symphonic rhythm, subliminally serenading my desires. Without knowing; he speaks the language of my heart, sending a tickling sensation throughout my body, infecting me like a virus. Welcomed; the virus spreads, taking over my emotions, tempted. Denying refrain, I give in to temptation.

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mean 6.80 weighted 5.21 rank 4413 views 268 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of Landon2.

5 comments

[6] Dovina 20-Dec-05/7:35 PM Reply
Try starting with Line 4 and omitting the first 3 lines. Also, the semicolons are distracting. For example, try, "He speaks the recognizable to my soul." and "Without knowing, he speaks the language of . . ."
I like, "My needs stray from his tongue."
[n/a] PoeticXTC › Dovina 20-Dec-05/8:38 PM Reply
With this poem I didn't want to get wordie. "He speaks the reconizable; my soul."- he speaks my soul, not to my soul. I do agree w/ 2 things you criticized, the semicolons were a bit much but to keep the lauguage of the poem strait and to the point, I had to use them. "Without Knowing; he speaks the language of my heart,..." was a honest mistake that I over looked.
[6] Dovina › PoeticXTC 21-Dec-05/1:35 PM Reply
A semicolon separates clauses. I suggest a dash in, "He speaks the reconizable - my soul."
[9] sliver 23-Dec-05/1:12 AM Reply
A worthy temptation for such a fall I imagine.
[n/a] PoeticXTC › sliver 30-Dec-05/1:08 PM Reply
Lol, sometimes tempting things n life are worth lusting after. Sometimes!!!!