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Temptation (Free verse) by PoeticXTC
Speechless, I lay here wondering. Speak to me, for my mind is blank. Countless hours listening, silence is my only language. Uncontrolled feelings merging, but from where? This stranger has seduced my thirst to learn, to feel, to love again, unafraid to take a chance. He speaks the recognizable; my soul. My every want and need strays from his tongue and into my ears as if they were his own. Tingling through my ears, beating the drums to a new symphonic rhythm, subliminally serenading my desires. Without knowing; he speaks the language of my heart, sending a tickling sensation throughout my body, infecting me like a virus. Welcomed; the virus spreads, taking over my emotions, tempted. Denying refrain, I give in to temptation.

Up the ladder: Change
Down the ladder: Table for Two Please

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Weighted score: 5.2145653
Overall Rank: 4375
Posted: December 20, 2005 7:16 PM PST; Last modified: December 20, 2005 7:16 PM PST
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Landon2

Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 20-Dec-05/7:35 PM | Reply
Try starting with Line 4 and omitting the first 3 lines. Also, the semicolons are distracting. For example, try, "He speaks the recognizable to my soul." and "Without knowing, he speaks the language of . . ."
I like, "My needs stray from his tongue."
[n/a] PoeticXTC @ 137.139.192.56 > Dovina | 20-Dec-05/8:38 PM | Reply
With this poem I didn't want to get wordie. "He speaks the reconizable; my soul."- he speaks my soul, not to my soul. I do agree w/ 2 things you criticized, the semicolons were a bit much but to keep the lauguage of the poem strait and to the point, I had to use them. "Without Knowing; he speaks the language of my heart,..." was a honest mistake that I over looked.
[6] Dovina @ 209.247.222.87 > PoeticXTC | 21-Dec-05/1:35 PM | Reply
A semicolon separates clauses. I suggest a dash in, "He speaks the reconizable - my soul."
[9] sliver @ 172.195.78.21 | 23-Dec-05/1:12 AM | Reply
A worthy temptation for such a fall I imagine.
[n/a] PoeticXTC @ 64.12.117.5 > sliver | 30-Dec-05/1:08 PM | Reply
Lol, sometimes tempting things n life are worth lusting after. Sometimes!!!!
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