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Celebration (Free verse) by Tchur
We touched in the silence of a recreated night Our voices were murmurs lost in the forest dark And the silence of our feet was as the silence of the sea. We pressed on through the night which wove itself around us Your soft hands were warm in the clutch of my fingers And there was the sound of silver-throated birds Echoing around over us. We walked on through the fallen leaves And tripped over lurking branches There was no moonlight to guide us Only the lonely shooting stars It was cold; we pressed closer The warmth of your waist in my palm You naked scalp breathed cinnamon The taste burning lightly in my throat And rain began to fall about us Soaking us 'til the cloth was almost melded to the skin. I felt the warmth of your life The pounding blood in your veins under my fingers And heard the catch in your breath. I kissed you then. And then there was silence and more silence, and the copper taste of blood And the weight of your body in my arms And the petal softness of your thighs The taste of you, the touch of you, the quiet carvings of your nails The deep smell of your open sex And the drops of rain I kissed off your heaving breast. There was the warmth of creation, The steady pounding of new life We mingled lips and limbs and locked Our bodies and were one And together in our passion Together in our set desires We celebrated the God of Spring.

Up the ladder: I Am The Judge
Down the ladder: A Soldier's Promise

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.75
Weighted score: 4.8509965
Overall Rank: 10499
Posted: September 5, 2002 8:47 PM PDT; Last modified: September 5, 2002 8:47 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] god'swife @ 209.179.138.220 | 5-Sep-02/10:22 PM | Reply
Wow. There certainly has been alot of erotica coming up on random recently. This is uncomfortably arousing. Well developed ambience. Sight, sound, taste, smell, touch. The last stanza doesn't live up to the others.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 5-Sep-02/10:34 PM | Reply
Great poeme! Can someone tell me why 'erotic' fiction (as opposed to 'pornographic' fiction) always refers to the female genitalia as a 'sex'?
[0] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.14 | 5-Sep-02/10:39 PM | Reply
Who knows? And why is it that all erotica uses the word petal describe skin, and of course, there are the heaving breasts. I see Fabio, do you? This is terrible GW. You have been single too long.
[8] god'swife @ 209.179.138.220 | 5-Sep-02/10:46 PM | Reply
Yeah it needs some editing, but "copper taste of blood" and "naked scalp breathed cinnamon are first rate. Thanks for your concern Mr. Longfellows, but I am single because I'm not married not because I'm alone.
[8] god'swife @ 209.179.138.220 | 5-Sep-02/10:51 PM | Reply
I don't think Fabio would place his face anywhere near her deep smelling open sex. He might kiss heaving breasts but nothing with the copper taste of blood. Did you have to mention Fabio? Now the whole image is ruined for me.
[n/a] Lenore @ 64.252.107.149 | 6-Sep-02/11:30 AM | Reply
You naked scalp breathed cinnamon
?? Now I like this poem, but for the life of me I cannot see how that line is first rate. A bald head inhaling spice? I don't get it.
[n/a] deleted user @ | 6-Sep-02/9:12 PM | Reply
Yes, I know it needs revision. 'Heaving' is godawful, and 'petal' almost as bad, but I couldn't think of other words that suited it. I used 'sex' because that line needed a single syllable, and I sure as hell wasn't going to use 'cunt'. As for the cinnamon thing... Sigh. Breathing is composed of two things: inhaling and exhaling. It's a fancy way of saying that this girl's shaved head smelt of cinnamon. That's all.
[n/a] deleted user @ | 6-Sep-02/9:13 PM | Reply
Oh yes, and the last stanza is pretty bad, but I had to finish it somehow and couldn't be arsed to think of anything else.
[8] god'swife @ 209.178.176.95 | 6-Sep-02/9:18 PM | Reply
Forget the last stanza it's totally useless. Everything contained within it is implied in the rest of the poem. How about "I kissed from your breasts" "the down of your thighs"
[n/a] deleted user @ 142.166.120.35 > god'swife | 28-Sep-02/7:16 PM | Reply
Heh -- I'm still amused that I, of all people, managed to arouse you. Admittedly, it doesn't seem to take much, but considering what you think of most of my other stuff...
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