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d e e p e r (Free verse) by daniella t h a t i c o u l d
i w o u l d s w i m d o w n d e e p e r
t o t o u c h w h a t m a y h a v e b e e n
i n a s e a o f t i m e l e s s n e s s.
t o f i n d y o u t h e r e s t a n d i n g
f i r m l y o n t h e s a n d s
o f y e a r s b e t w e e n u s.
t o b r i n g m e c l o s e r
s h i f t i n g t h e s e d i m e n t
b e n e a t h s t i r r i n g t h e w a t e r
t o e m b r a c e u s i n a c l o u d
w h e r e n o t h i n g i s a s is
a n d c o u l d t h a t w e w o u l d
a l w a y s b e.
Up the ladder:
Senses of Time
Down the ladder:
SO
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Posted: September 3, 2002 7:34 PM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2002 10:44 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0238404 Overall Rank: 7376 Comments:
[7]
Lenore @ 64.252.106.105
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3-Sep-02/9:20 PM
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Reply
This reminds me of a Beatles tune, the name of which escapes me at the moment. The format made it a bit hard to read but It does evoke the feeling of drifting softly down beneath the sea. nice! 7/10
You're on to something, here, danll; perhaps just a few word tweaks. Reminds me of John Lennon's "Julia" and "It's just the Motion" by Richard and Linda Thompson.
You're on to something, here, danll; perhaps just a few word tweaks. Reminds me of John Lennon's "Julia" and "It's just the Motion" by Richard and Linda Thompson.
If it reminds me of any Beatle it's George - 'Within You Without You', that kind of thing.
who would have thought the beatles could permeate so long after and so far into?
I bet they didn't think they would. It's amazing how they have burrowed into the consciousness. To be so simple and ambitious at the same time, and to bring it off...
ay there's the rub!
this is concrete and WINS THE HORUS 8 GOLDEN Q-TIP AWARD ON THIS FINE DAY. loved it! have a fine navy day.9.
dear horus, won't you come out to play. you always brighten the comments page, ne'er ye mind the dialogue. i can see you standing-clapping-tie-flying-tux-in-snea
I've just realised I forgot to vote on this - sorry! Here you are...
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