I can see why your local newspaper printed this. This is identical to the stuff in my local newspaper. I think I'll post some of that quality poetry for all to enjoy...

Again, this is not going to win any prizes out side your front door, but if my father had put this in my lunch box and signed it, I would have the luxury of possessing the best poem ever written.

It was just me trying to be humrous DA by listing everything I could think of as being 'nice' after my criticism but GW response is more beautiful and poetic than I could ever write. Thak you for those words GW that I will remember as a dad.

In fact, may I put this in my son's lunch box? His first day at a new school is Sept.7th. It would mean alot.

If you sign it I'll sue. Oh and by the way we are very petty and have a reputation for being frugal.See I just write for fun,I don't expect to be acclaimed,its for my enjoyment and perhaps a sort of diary.I'm sorry but the Freddie poem is about the best I have done in my opinion because it would mean a lot and make more sense to fans of which I am the No.1. I should add that my second and unexpected son is named after the band - John Freddie Brian Roger N.

I remember the first time I heard Queen. On the radio. His voice clear as any bell. I have my L.P.'s but nothing to play them on.

Then acquire something, Freddie is the messenger, bringing music to the masses.

Anyway I'm starting to sound like a mormon missionary now so let us move on. I have achieved my aim of stopping the vitriol and have hopefully deflected some of your attackers to other targets and as a welcome bonus others have now read some of my juvenile but nonetheless approved by the necrophiles, ramblings.BTW The Hibs wonm today 2 - 0 at Motherwell.

Don't flatter yourself. Vitriol is still vitriol even when it's being orally applied to a firm buttcheek.

You have Mormon's in Scotland?! See, I'd never get this kind of education elsewhere!

I could do the sarcasm thing and wonder if you may come to Scotland to be educated by Mormons but I wont,like I say we're no different to the rest of the world, why should we be? we have buggers that rap your door the minute you stick your fork in your dinner.But credit where credit's due - 'Crazy Horses' by the Osmonds is awesome and 'Paper Roses' just takes my breath away.

It's a joke lost in the sadness of truth. I'm so isolated here in America. The Propaganda is rampant, and I, being me, am lost in my own world, so I look towards thoughtful ass-kissers* such as you to set things right. You have been chivalrous to say the least, and remind me of what I ought to be. *See Vitriol; Dark Angel.

I feel I must apologise to you as well, god'swife. The things I've done -- the things I've said -- they've been awful, haven't they? I hope your skirt has a place for me to cling to, because in your ever-surprising, constantly-challenging world I've truly found my raison d'etre. You bring a beauty and a joy to my life that I never thought could exist! Your courteous, frank, refreshing comments, your helpful criticism -- well what more could anyone want? And not only are you helpful and kind, but you're also a beautiful poet and a sensitive, wonderful mother! Just think - surprise your son with a lovely poem with your signature on it! My mother used to beat me with a meat fork. Perhaps that's why I've turned out to be such a sad, deprived, lonely child. All I ever wanted was some attention. I thought maybe I could get it by being mean and horrible, but it's much nicer when you're nice, isn't it? Beige. Beige. I see it... I see it all now.

I like this, A. I think it very colourfully paints a vibrant feeling and place; it does not lead me into beigeness and empty niceties. The crazy crown is scary, and who is Dicky bow, anyhow? What sport were your referring to with the score, there. Rugby?

Sorry this tit has dried up for you now you runt. Suck up to your own ass.

ha ha ha oh that's a classic

You are indeed a very sad case DA. I doubt very much if you are likely to appear in a pub for a pint.Why do you pretend to be a resident of the US when you obviously are not. Pop ye to a tavern in olde Edinburgh town of a Friday eve and spout forth thine expressions of religion and world order then go ye forth to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary where they will sadly care for ye at anothers expense and right thee so you can live to run another day and this fair city (athens of the north) will cry where are Burke and Hare when we need them.

My dear Frass at last a comment of light heartedness amidst the gloom of a divided world.The sport was football (soccer) The Scottish Premier League, our first victory from five this season and both goals coming from a former Motherwell player who they didn't take to because he was English.Oh what joy to be Derek Townsley tonight.

lol! shezus, i vote to grenade the luchbox, and sent up camp...it's time for war! my generals are discussing stratagies as we speak. prepare. or not....that was quite funny though.

Jesus Christ. You get better every time, anagram. Pretending? Who's pretending? Does everything have to be explained to you? And I'm not quite sure what insane idea you've got about my religion, but you've made comments about it twice in a row now. Perhaps you could tell me just what religion (and views on 'world order') it is I have. It'll be news to me. And while I'm hardly likely to pop up to Edinburgh, it so happens that I was in a "pub" last night. Fancy that! In a pub on Friday night! With other people! You and god'swife can be the president and treasurer of the 'predictable, hilarious assumptions about -=Dark)Angel=-'s life' club if you like. I wasn't doing a pub quiz, though. Does it still count?

Better put more stones on hadrian's wall before this one comes to fisticuffs.

I assume nothing.

OK then state your case then stop pissing about in the dark. You are undoubtedly a Brit as you know chorus and verse lame Brit TV shows, you become incandessant with rage when I loose my cool for a bit over a sick collection of words about the attacks on 9 September 2001 against my countries greatest allies and I have a number of Muslim friends who condemn these attacks for what they are, that is a cowardly murder of innocent people. So if you are not a Muslim fundamentalist living in England (or UK)then instead of beating about the bush with all this Aren't I an Enigma crap then just state your case or shut it.And you're right I'm not big enough to be up at this time so have to go to bed in five.Convince me if you like or on the other hand don't bother.Sleep in 5 night night.

God I love this. It's like 20 Vikings at the table and there's only one chicken to be had. As for you and me Anagram we'll keep warm in the barn and find some quail to roast.

Hope he turns out to be just an ordinary English guy that should be no problem.Anyway goodnight GW see you at the ceasefire tomorrow.

Anagram, good Anagram, Sweet dreams dear man. Kiss the boys. You're all they've got.

Sorry, where was this incandescence of rage? I must have missed that. Pity. The whole 9/11 poeme debacle was the result of me pretending to be offended in a completely absurd way. I wanted to see a) if people would actually believe I was sincere, and b) if so, what would happen. Really. Obviously it worked too well. As for this "enigma" nonsense, I'm not trying to be enigmatic; but when people who've never met me start telling me what religion I have, what I do for fun, etc., it's only fair for me to tell them they've got it wrong, no? I'm not a Muslim. Jesus...one ironic comment containing the word 'Queen' and you're off wildly theorising and accusing. I'll remember to never touch your precious Freddy again.

My dear (as Fred would say) Queen had nothing to do with it??.As a result of your failure to clarify your stance I shall take my leave in the knowledge of a victory well earned.I shall also never again look at this passage of time on poemranker so my victory shall stay with me eternally.You were given every opportunity to correct the error of my views but chose not to do so,I shall therefore consider that correction was not honestly possible and shall finish by pointing out that along with imbibing a few pints of a Friday evening I also understand that failing to speak the truth is also an offence against the teachings of the Holy Koran.We have an absolutely beautiful new mosque on Potterow in Edinburgh (with a couple of good bevvy hooses nearby)so after a visit if you would care to advise of time and date you may pop up I would be happy to act as guide for you to tour my home city.

Night all.And may your God be with you.

Pfff. You said I was a Muslim. I'm not. If that's not clarification enough for you, 's not my problem.

And do you know what the best part is? Since this is your poeme, I know you're going to read this. But since you've just vowed never to look here again (and I trust a Scotsman would never lie), you're going to have to suffer in silence. Shame, that. Nighty-night!