I killed you in New Mexico

Member since 2005 · Posted 27 Apr 2005 · 3 comments

I was your temple-worship Hand me down. A temptress in a cave found shivering Reciting lines from Indian gods. Calling silly sounds from mouths of fire. I went grave digging for jewels To replace your haunted eyes. No, you didn't know it But I was your murdering princess Killing what was left of love and memory And you, a love-killer prodigy all worry stricken lightning eyed, cried for her threads to be torn, Kneeling and bleeding to death.

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mean 7.60 weighted 5.31 rank 3598 views 168 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

3 comments

[10] zodiac 27-Apr-05/6:26 AM Reply

You should make the hyphenation consistent. What about "worry-stricken" and "lightning-eyed"?

[8] Dovina 27-Apr-05/6:56 AM Reply

Provocative, but lacking whatever it was that connected them and a reason for the love-lilling.

[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom 27-Apr-05/10:30 PM Reply

2nd stanza is incredible. Why 5 lines in the other two stanzas? Why not just keep the lines "Kneeling and bleeding to death" and "I was your temple-worship Hand me down" as one line instead of two. I think the writing is better than the form here. Still a 10 in my book.

<3 Jason