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I killed you in New Mexico (Free verse) by sunset sky I was your temple-worship
Hand me down.
A temptress in a cave found shivering
Reciting lines from Indian gods.
Calling silly sounds from mouths of fire.
I went grave digging for jewels
To replace your haunted eyes.
No, you didn't know it
But I was your murdering princess
Killing what was left of love and memory
And you, a love-killer prodigy
all worry stricken lightning eyed,
cried for her threads to be torn,
Kneeling and bleeding
to death.
Up the ladder:
Church Propagation
Down the ladder:
Brother's Egg Book
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.6
Posted: April 27, 2005 4:13 AM PDT; Last modified: April 27, 2005 4:13 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.3099275 Overall Rank: 3607 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
zodiac @ 213.186.171.241
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27-Apr-05/6:26 AM
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Reply
You should make the hyphenation consistent. What about "worry-stricken" and "lightning-eyed"?
Provocative, but lacking whatever it was that connected them and a reason for the love-lilling.
2nd stanza is incredible. Why 5 lines in the other two stanzas? Why not just keep the lines "Kneeling and bleeding to death" and "I was your temple-worship Hand me down" as one line instead of two. I think the writing is better than the form here. Still a 10 in my book.
<3 Jason 168 view(s)
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