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This Is The Sound of My Heart Breaking (Free verse) by Owner of the Sky
This is the sound of my heart breaking. The uncertainty of where I am each morning as I wake, even though I've lived in the same house off and on for the last 15 years. The sound of the poignant birds on my window, the sound of little birds hatching from eggs, only to fall off their precarious nests that were perched on the holes in my roof, dying surrounded by the shells which vainly tried to protect them since conception and yet failing in the end, and the sticky mucous that came with the eggshells, Are like the ones we all had to wear as we reluctantly and screamingly came into the world, It falls through the cracks on the concrete and feeds lower life forms who devour it like ambrosia. This is the sound of my heart breaking. The sound of my CD player whirring to a stop after a night of classical music has seeped into my brain and has done damage to the parts where you have settled in suddenly one day without ceremony or warning, without telling me in advance, without asking if I'd think it was OK. This is the sound of my heart breaking. The sound of my feet hitting the floor, littered with the clothes I wore yesterday to impress the world. The sound of the bathroom door opening as I take my first piss in the morning, staring at myself in the mirror to my left, wondering if you had bed hair as bad as mine, and sighing because I might never know. This is the sound of my heart breaking. I come back to the now, shuddering at the pleasure of expelling all the toxins accumulated by my body while I had my 10 hour REM-blessed slumber from the night before. The sound of the toilet as it sucks down the water powerfully in swirls like how my vision gets when I try to imagine what you would look like in the first rays of daylight. This is the sound of my heart breaking. The sound of my cheap plastic lighter clicking as I inhale my first drag of the day, reclining on my crumpled sheets and 5 soft pillows, wishing I were inhaling the scent of your hair instead. This is the sound of my heart breaking. The sound of my feet pounding down the stairs to greet the rest of the world who have already long been awake before me, as my appointed cue to join the rest of life everyday strikes at noon. Seconds tick and time is lost never to return... and in all the seconds you were there, Because you are the sound of my heart breaking. Eternal instant. And this is just my day beginning...

Up the ladder: Potential
Down the ladder: Gastric Sadness

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 02
.. 08
.. 311
.. 21
.. 10
.. 12
.. 03
.. 03
.. 12
.. 02
.. 32

Arithmetic Mean: 5.8510637
Weighted score: 5.8510585
Overall Rank: 1568
Posted: May 10, 2002 12:32 AM PDT; Last modified: May 10, 2002 12:32 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Adriaan @ | 10-May-02/5:26 AM | Reply
Very evocative. I find the last line, and to some extent the penultimate line destroy the mood that the poem has build up. I think it would be better without them.
[6] mikejedw @ | 10-May-02/8:24 AM | Reply
It's not a bad evocation of the scene, but I think there's too many modifiers. For instance, you don't need to say the water is sucked down "powerfully" in the toilet--it doesn't add much. "cheap plastic lighter" could be reduced to one adjective or, better still, none. Etc.
[8]... anonymous @ | 11-May-02/2:00 PM | Reply
My toilet was sucking powerfully after reading this as well. High school girl journal stuff.
[8]... anonymous @ 208.142.142.2 | 13-May-02/4:09 AM | Reply
It's a beautiful poem about a hang-over. Made me smile, and it broke my heart at the same time.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 194.82.103.75 | 26-May-02/11:54 AM | Reply
This is the sound of my eyes bursting.
[0] beakism @ 213.122.77.171 | 9-Jun-02/11:55 AM | Reply
Wow! You've really shocked me, by using lots of 'poetic' language, and then, in the middle, writing 'piss'!!! Great poem!!!!! - Keep up the Good Work!!!!!!!!!
[5] evergreen @ 165.247.107.129 | 11-Jul-02/4:13 PM | Reply
work on this one - the toilet sucking your accumulated toxins part could go first :). loved where you were heading with this.
[8] Tarquin De La Bog @ 213.120.56.45 | 14-Aug-02/9:42 AM | Reply
Nice. Some really good lines, and the ending is powerful. 8. Would have scored even higher if it weren't a tad lengthy and colloquial in places.
[7] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 30-Sep-02/3:31 AM | Reply
This is perhaps a bit overlnog and wordy, but the images accumulate powerfully.
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 7-Jan-03/12:03 PM | Reply
rack of black. roughage.
[n/a] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 15-Jan-03/4:52 AM | Reply
Awesome poem it reeks of grief and your perception of the world, the irony, the injustified fate of life, the weakness of mortality and the decadence of frustration, sarcasm, boredom, the ending is a crescendo of turmoil- I fucking loved this have a 9, i am off to pound my head against a corkscrew listening to 'everbody hurts'
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