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James The Dashing Pirate (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
Yeah they call him the one night casanova. He gets the girl and has her falling over. Heads become heels, and his heels become gold. He's comic and witty, with baby blues and great hair. Daringly devoted, to making a smile cross your lips. He is simple and unique, relentlessly cunning. He is an epic packed into a coloring book. Rated R for language and explicit content. An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning. With a razor tongue, and a smooth voice. Champagne for the price of beer, yeah thats you. My breathing shadow, your living reflection. My depth, your perceptions. Your as large as life, written to be. Not so much short as say, not long. A simple melody, catchy and quick. Confident and Great. James The Dashing Pirate.

Up the ladder: Damage
Down the ladder: Mariana

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 64
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.. 10
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.. 11
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.3
Weighted score: 7.1909204
Overall Rank: 34
Posted: January 31, 2005 11:11 AM PST; Last modified: January 31, 2005 11:24 AM PST
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[9] SupremeDreamer @ | 31-Jan-05/6:39 PM | Reply
Rated R for language and explicit content.
An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning.
Your as large as life, written to be.

I'd rewrite that to:

Rated R for language and explicit content-- (or ;)
arrogance aside, absolutely stunning.


You're larger than life, written to be.

Beautifully stunning is just redundant, and it's always good to clarify the use of a contraction ole comrade.

That said, have a hearty nine.
[n/a] Luzr @ > SupremeDreamer | 1-Feb-05/12:39 AM | Reply
Nah, You'd have to know James to understand.

<3 Jason
[9] Goad @ | 1-Feb-05/5:16 AM | Reply
This is excellent.

Ending every stanza with a period hurts it. You didn't edit or work on it after writing it, did you? A little effort could tighten up the rhyming scheme. And fix "your" => you're. (this constantly slips through my fingers too, it drives me nuts)
[10] deleted user @ | 1-Feb-05/9:48 PM | Reply
This is the most perfect discription of my life I have ever read.
[n/a] fevriere @ | 2-Feb-05/8:37 AM | Reply
The first two lines were a hook for rhyme-loving girls like self. What are golden heels about? I do like it, even the gentle shortening of the line lengths is very effective but I can't help thinking if you played around with it more, it might flow - moments like reflection/perception don't seem to be exceptions but more highlights.

What do you think; do you want it to rhyme?
No vote yet because I don't believe it's finished.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ > fevriere | 8-Feb-05/2:01 PM | Reply
Rhyming it would steal from it content, and as you said, its all about the subtle highlights. The first line is just that. A hook.

The golden heels. A lot is ment by that.
A) Head/heels, a play on the classic head over heels.
B) Heads become heels and his heels become gold. Two key words. Head, Gold. (He is a blond)
C) Gold is something that is coveted. James is coveted.
D) Lets not reveal all the mystery shall we?

Later Daze

<3 Jason
[6] burgerking33 @ | 8-Mar-05/3:21 PM | Reply
brought a tear to my eye and was very inspirational. well done, you're amazing. well written. a beautiful poem. I'll give you a 6, because i still think you need a little bit of work. you're on the right track!
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ > burgerking33 | 8-Mar-05/8:54 PM | Reply
You rate me a 6? On the right track? Look at the list of things I have written compared to you. In fact look at my first poem, a lyric called Idiot Box. Until your poems are at least of that caliber(Which isn't that high really) I'd prefer you never rate my words again.

<3 Jason
[0] Stephen Robins @ | 31-Mar-05/3:14 AM | Reply
Name me one person called Jason who is not a collossal cockwound.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ > Stephen Robins | 31-Mar-05/2:16 PM | Reply
Name for me one person named Stephen(The other Steven) whom can claim that they've ever kissed more than 3 girls who weren't related to them.
[3] Engelbert Humpalot @ | 3-Nov-06/5:15 AM | Reply
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